Friday, January 23, 2009

So yes... this is what a nervous breakdown looks like...


I know.  In my head it worse.  Its funny how I do this, write these, so that I can vent - yet still - I don't vent.

Could be a mixture of sleep deprivation and the paranoia that comes with it stacked against the fact that I know one day I won't be and/or feel so damn trapped in my house - or maybe I just don't know how to put down in black and white everything.

This, is probably a good thing.  Really, it probably is.  Keeping myself in check isn't a bad thing - but it is just another long line of things I've compiled onto my list of life of things I don't do these days.  Oh, whatever.  I'm freaking tired and all the things I planned on blogging about were lost the moment the spit-up dripped down the front of my freaking robe.  

Tomorrow night I get out of the house.  Its only for a few hours, but it's a few hours.  And while I need a beer - its been two weeks - I still can't because when I get home.  Let's just say, diaper duty sucks a LOT when you're feeling a little too happy.  That and I'm not good at cutting myself off.  At beer 3 I tell myself, one more won't hurt... that is a lie.  A wretched, wretched lie...

I think I'm going to have my parents take him over night soon, and then I'm going to go buy a 12 of budwiser and a pack of camels and destroy my lungs and my liver.  Oh!  What's next Friday?  I'll tell you what next Friday is!  Freaking dancing at the 5!  What is next Friday?  The 30th?  I'm getting a cab and at 10pm I'm going to drink and listen to 99 problems and love every minute of it... Now, I just need to get a sitter...

See.  I have goals.  And the newest one is to pretend I didn't give up drinking.

It's nearly 2am and I have laundry to fold, and dry and I want a cigarette - but that won't happen... So I guess I'll just go watch the second half of No Reservations - DC 

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