Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Tired...


My mind is racing again.  You know I think I've become so accustom to it that I don't even realize it's an issues until I notice the passage of time or the fact that I'm clenching my jaw.

That's a really bad habit.  One of many.  Lucky for me I'm a gal that likes her bad habits.  I like to think they make me who I am.

As fucked up as that is.

So lets see... it's closing in on 3.  One more hour to go.  Here's hoping I sleep tonight.  I woke at 8 yesterday, yes I'm closing in on being awake for 20 hours.  Just like the old days, granted in the old days I wasn't 33 and didn't have a child.  Actually, I don't mind it.
Most times when I can't get Xan down quickly, I just feel bad for him.  He has a rash on his face, his having problems pooping, he's sleeping with socks on his hands!  Poor little bugger...

In the mean time, because I'm sure he's gonna wake at any moment, I'm attempting to compile that list I spoke of in my last blog.  I think that's how my brain started racing.  I know I posted some things on myspace.  (oh, I found the chili recipe or made the chili recipe so that 1 thing down for '09!)  The flight school thing needs to wait a bit, not because I'm a coward (I mean, I am, but that's not the main reason) if you look outside you'll see my reason all over the place.  And from what the weather chick told me, that reason will be coming down like gang busters tomorrow too.  So with that on hold, horseback riding not happening until Summer... I don't know what the hell that leaves me... Well crap, the other two aren't high on my list of "important things".  In reality, I helped run assassins two summers ago - so I can clear that one off my list and the other one I can't do till late summer.  Gotta wait for my camera guy to move home!

So now what?  It's January.  It's cold.  My skin is so dry I could scratch the world "dry" in it.  I need some feedback... no, that's probably not a good idea... um... ok!  The attic!  I need to work on the attic and to dig out that box of pictures so I can hang them up on the many empty walls of my house. (That's more like decorating...)

Christ on a crutch!  What is something I've always said I wanted to do, but haven't?!  I wrote that Christmas book for Xander.  I could do a few more... I start my yoga classes soon... hmm... how about belly dancing.  I've thought about doing that for a few years, AND it's good for me.  You know, exercises!  (speaking of which, I weighed myself earlier. According to my scale I weigh 71 lbs... I think I need a new scale.)

I really should learn to meditate...  maybe then I could slow things down and train my thoughts into one fluid sentence... or a list... something.
Or maybe it's just that my eyes are starting to cross and I'm thinking too hard.  That is making it worse... 

One more hour... just one more hour... 

one more month, one more month... shoot.  I'm going to go write a letter to a woman I haven't seen in 6 years.  Baby steps.  Tomorrow, I'll find her address.

Good night.  Sleep tight.  Don't let the bed bugs bite - and all that jazz.

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