Friday, February 13, 2009

We're old...


In the past year of my life so much has changed.  
Some for the better
Some... blah.
But it's all change at the end of the day.

So!  I don't go out 6 nights a week
So I don't see people more than once a month...
So I watch more TV now than I probably have in the last 33 years of my life

NONE of these things mean I'm old.
So I'm tired of hearing about it.

What is old?
Is it a number?  A moment when you realize you sleep more than you have awake time?  It is defined by the amount of time you spend at home, or even the fact that you now own a house?
I don't think so
I think old is dead, and I'm not dead.

Yes, I don't see people that much any more.  Yes, this used to bother me tremendously, but my feeling is that if we're friends, we're friends.  I'm not 16 and I don't need to have a phone glued to my ear to define who my friends are.

Yes, I AM at home a lot more.  Part due to the baby, part due to the fact that I don't want to deal with things.  When I realized my depression was getting bad I did cut myself off and yes, in part that is a bad thing but in the end maybe it wasn't.  Maybe it just showed me some things I wouldn't have been able to see if I was still out and about.

But old?
Screw you.

If I'm old at 33 than what am I going to be at 66?  Bed ridden in a home for old people?
No - screw you on that too.

Doing something new doesn't mean I'm old.  Having an adult life doesn't mean I'm old.  Not closing the bar every Friday, not being able to walk off the hang over, not playing a show at the Grogshop - not old.

Can you tell this assumption pisses me off?

Defining yourself by the amount of money you drain into a glass at the local bar doesn't make you young, it makes you broke.  I love me some beer.  And I LOVE me some drunken fun.  They are great wonderful memories that I'll carry with me till I kick it, but so will all the new ones.

Some people say age is a state of mind.
Maybe it is.  I say who the hell wants to be 21 forever?
And when I was 21 I said the same thing about 16 years old.

Yes, it would be nice if some things didn't change due to gravity... but that doesn't make me old.  It just means I need to work harder.  Yes, as stated many a time I am a fan of a good work out.  I think that it keeps you in check physically and mentally.  And maybe it keeps you young.

Who knows.

Age is a number and the way I see it is the more numbers you have the better you understand yourself and this stupid world and that means you can be freer and enjoy it more because you suddenly realize all those "things" that worried and bothered you at 21 don't any more.  They're not important.

None of that drama is remotely important to me.

So now I drink my beer on the couch as I anticipate the next installment of BSG.  And now I get my kicks from doing forward folds and cat lifts.  Or from writing songs about my sons stuff puppy.  Its just new.

Putting limitations on your life only gives you limitations, and weren't we always told we could do whatever we wanted?  Why would that change when I have a child?  

Everyone can say "do as I say, not as I do"
I'd rather say "do as I do.  come on!  It's fun!"

There are only two things in life that are certain - death and taxes.  You can hate them, you can fear them, or you can embrace the fact that you can't change them and you can go out there and live your life and not be old at 33.

You know, I may be a bitch, I may have screwed up ideas on what love is, I may think drinking a cold beer on a hot day is like heaven, or a thousand other things.  But I am not old.

I'm a better person now that I ever was before
Smarter
Funnier
More relaxed

The biggest difference is the moment I learned that maybe, being alone isn't a bad thing, especially when it means there is no drama attached.  And then, when I do go out and get my "drink on" it's just fun - as it should be.

When I was a kid and they said, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  I always said a spy, adventurer!

Never once did I say "old"
so why would I start saying it now?

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