Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Anyone ever see Mask with Eric Stoltz?

I over slept this morning.  Well, I woke up after 10 - yes, I know that's just plain crazy, but I don't normally make it to be until around 4 so, in the scheme of things its only 6 hours and not that bad.

Its a fun way to live - this STAY UP ALL NIGHT crazy lifestyle I've managed for myself postpartum.  At times I complain, but honestly... I like it.  I like the quite in the middle of the night.  I like to be able to read and write and do this or even just peruse the inter-web.  (and I think it's funny to call it the "inter-web")

On Tuesdays and Thursday my parents take my boy and watch him for me while I snag my 6 hours of sleep, I then wake up - drink coffee - check my email - read the news and whatever else I need to do and then I go and get him - the boy!  

Last night, laying on the couch around 3 am I found myself thinking about all the fun things we would do today.  Watch a movie, go to the park, attempt to get him to say "mama." And I drifted off to sleep.  All happy and excited!

Plus, he's teething and the possibility of a tooth being present this morning was great!  

Today, since I woke up after 10, I skipped the email computer portion of my morning and drank some coffee and ran over to get him.  He was napping - a whole 6 minutes.  No joke.  He saw me, giggled, I picked him up, giggled - packed up his things and brought him on home!  We hunkered down for a nice lunch and a small nap...

[insert evil horror movie music RIGHT HERE]

As you know, last Sunday was Easter and in one of the boys Easter Baskets was a little container of... custard.  And after our thing of delicious squash I decided - lets take this for a drive - DESSERT!  

Lets skip forward...

The emergency room nurse looked down at me, I would say she even peered over her clip board with a grim look on her face.

"Have you ever fed him eggs before?"  Her pen poised above the chart she was filling out that held my son's name at the top.

"No.  Never."

"Never.  You've never given him a cookie or some cake?"  I wonder if it's a trick question.  I wonder why she would ask such a thing.

"No.  Never.  He's only 6 months old."

"But you gave him custard."  She scribbles something.  I look at my son.  He looks like Eric Stoltz in Mask.  His right eye is nearly swollen shut, his lips would make Lisa Rinna jealous, his skin is all patchy and despite all this he is contently staring at the male nurse who is listening to his heart and every now and then glancing at the TV (my son, not the nurse) that was blaring Ni Hao in the back ground.  Visibly, I am more upset than he is, that's for sure. 

"Yes.  I gave him custard."  

She asks me a thousand and one questions, including, "Have you ever tried to harm yourself or your child?"

"Outside of the custard... no."  She gives me another look.  

I apologize.

They take his temp, weight, listen to his lungs, tell him he's cute and then gather us both up and take us to a room containing a fire engine bed and choo-choo train wall paper trim.  I'm holding my son, who is now crying, the male nurse puts on Ni Hao in the room for us and this settles him until the doctor comes in and rakes me over the coals telling me, in very subtle ways, that I'm a moron - nay - I'm the QUEEN of morons.  What was I thinking?  Eggs?  Eggs before my son turned one?  

"I don't know.  I don't know what I was thinking.  I wasn't thinking!  Trust me, I sure as hell was NOT thinking..."

My son takes one look at the doctor and freaks out again - he wants nothing to do with him - only the male nurse.  He doesn't much care for the peering female nurse either - nor do I.  

(or the "I'm here about billing" lady.)  

By this point the show has changed to Wow!  Wow!  Wubbzy, we've seen one episode and that was the one that was on, so after the doctor explained the shot and the other medicine that was to be administered to Baby Stoltz, he leave and there I am cooing to my child about Wubbzy when my mom walks in. 

(she was parking the car - and yes, they worked that quickly to get us in a room)

My mom called my dad and my husband who was on his way to meet us - but sadly he was meeting us at the wrong hospital.  So there he is, standing outside the ER of a hospital we weren't at, my mom is handing me tissues for my tears and my son's spit up and my father is calling my phone, repeatedly, because my mom isn't answering hers.

She leaves to phone him and square the men folk away - and we continue.

Now, my son's hooked up to a machine, crying because he REALLY hates the new nurse, and the shot and the other medicine...

A half hour later my husband arrives, by this point my boy looks a lot better - to me - 

"His eye!"

"He looks good now.  His lips were bigger than Julia Roberts before, right now he looks great.  I'm so sorry."

He scolds me for apologizing and finishing looking our son over, making sure he's fine, but not touching him because the baby finally fell asleep in my arms and was snoring and drooling in my left ear.  

(Which I totally appreciated because it saved me from staring at his chest to ensure he was breathing properly.)

We were there for about 2 hours.  And he was fine.  It was noted that he shouldn't have eggs.  And I concurred and told them he'd be raised vegan - I was given another look.  

If looks could kill, I would have been the one getting shots and hooked up to machines.

The ride home was silent.  
Just the sound of the wet pavement under the car tires and the swishing of windshield wiper blades.

And when we got home, I took my son and kissed him for about 20 minutes and he pulled my hair and then played in his exersaucer for about an hour - happy to the world.

And I sat there, on the couch watching him smack the different buttons filling the room with a mixture of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, When Johnny Comes Marking Home Again and some random Calypso music - I cried. 

And when he saw his stuffed Ming-Ming doll and threw his hands up and started shaking for a second because he was surprised by her and then grabbed her and held on as he hit more buttons I laughed.

Oh, and yes - he now has a tooth!  They grow up so fast...

Weekly Adventure COMPLETE!

Next weeks outlook?  Here's hoping for BORING and DULL!  But I'm going to a wedding on Saturday, so who knows... 

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