Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Warrior One


Sometimes I feel so knotted up.  My joints are stiff and unmoving.  I'll do yoga to try to fix this, but day after day, hour after hour of holding my son I feel I am slowly being twisted into an old worn tree branch.

At one point I could fold myself in half and now if I can touch the ground I am happy.  Randomly, when the moment presents itself, I'll run through a long memorized routine that has been etched in my head for years and years.

Cat, cat lift, downward facing dog, lung, forward fold and back up.
move back to child's pose and end in meditation.

Plank poses.  Upward facing dog.  Swan.  Tree.

Yet I'm still stiff.  So I move forward and then I always end in meditation.  Let the snow melt from my mind.  Each flake a problem that is not important enough to hold on to.

And then, just like my muscles and my joints my mind grows muddled and thousands of thoughts clamor into my head destroying what little peace I was able to obtain in my less than suitable impromptu yoga lesson. 

Warrior.  Warrior one.  Triangle.  Breathe.   Always breathe.

I don't like being angry.  That is part of the reason I started to meditate so many years ago now.  Yoga came later - after 6 months of physical therapy for a pinched nerve that seemed to grow worse as the days moved on.  The doctors told me that I would be in a wheelchair at 25.

I'll be 34 in October.  Always get a second opinion.

So did it help and does it now?

Yes.

Unless the variables are too many.
Control freak for a reason and not the negative ones the world likes to see.

Balance.  

Cat to cat lift... downward facing dog - hold and breathe.

My adventures are that of yoga.  It's been quite and I love it more and more.  I don't like big groups of people.  I don't like drama.  I don't like assumptions, presumptions or anything that ends in "umptions."  I want to watch the snow melt in my mind, to lead me to spring.

Yes.  It sounds lame.  Weird.  Girly.  But anger only limits things and I can be angry without even trying - a gift I don't want.

Conversation.  Good wine, good food and good friends.

Good fortune can be obtained by working for what feels right.

And I can sound like a fortune cookie when I'm trying to meditate.

Ah... forward fold, head to shins, arms raised behind my back.

Sit down, cross legs, wrists on knees.  Lotus pose.  

Sometimes, when I page through one of my many old Asian history books, when I pull out the chapters on religion and philosophy I wonder if we westerners have ever had a true moment of peace.  Sometimes I think our capitalist society draws us in the wrong directions.

And then I move from sounding like a fortune cookie to sounding like a zen proverb.  We can only be walked on if we're willing to lie down.

Mountain pose.  Screw lying down.  When you surround yourself with people who love you... life is beautiful, even if you feel like an old tree branch.

Ahh.... sounding slightly crazy never felt so good.
Breathe.  Meditate.  Good night.

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