Thursday, May 28, 2009

5 Ways to be better at EVERYTHING and how to get everyone else to notice!


<- Look Mom! It's a metaphor!!

And tonight's topic!  

SELF-PROMOTION!

ANNNNNNND!, how it sucks.  
It is one of the hardest things you'll ever do in your life.  
BUT it's a necessary evil.  
Like shopping and porn and washing between your toes... :)

How else are people going to find out about you? 

What? 

Should I wait around for some middle aged white guy from the publishing world to have an epiphany that causes him to finally realize I may exist and that I'm waiting for him to call me out of the blue to tell me I'm next up?! 

"Hmm... I wonder if there is a 30 something woman in Ohio that really wants to be a writer. Martha!  Where's that crystal ball again?!"

I say no my friend. There is a better chance I'll meet Santa.  

I mean, look at this blog. (This beautiful, well crafted, glorious blog.)
This is just one of 2.5 that I write, nearly daily, all of which are on different topics. 
I push to get my name and my words out there, out into this vast world via the internet and sometimes it's just so daunting that a myriad of reasons for giving up run through my head day and night and day again.

And then, on top of all of that... blogging is a medium that the general population hasn't fully accepted yet. 

(You write a blog... Such disdain. Would you rather I kill puppies? Didn't think so.)

Then, there is a certain amount of backlash that comes with the readily available amount of blogs out there.  New technology has made self-publication so easy that it's nearly free - which makes it even harder, because there you are looking at 6.7 billion people. It's the "Where's Waldo" of the writing world.

Who the hell has time to look through all of these blogs?
...self-promotion...

Everyone has advice on how to get your blog noticed.  From streaking with your web address tattooed across your butt on the local 5 o'clock news to "putting a funny or shocking story about your life up!"  

All of these posts on here... they are about my personal life. The only thing I have left that may be shocking in the least are my illicit nightly and day dreams... 
Maybe that's it! Maybe it's time for me to just succumb to the pressures of the writing world and just write little tantalizing stories about lacy knickers and darken hallways? 
No?

...self-promotion...

So I now give you FIVE (5) ways to be better at EVERYTHING and to get noticed in the process:

#1 - Never take no for an answer! 
If someone tells that you're not good at it - they are probably jealous because you're better at it then them. What is it? It could be writing, cooking, airplane maintenance.  Keep going, not matter the cost. Okay, a little much, but be willing to go the distance and realize that everything in this world ebbs and flows.  Just because you're at a low point doesn't mean you should quit.

"Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?  HELL NO!"

#2 - Never doubt how much people like free stuff. 
You've seen those promotional catalogues for corporations.  Buy 100 pens with your blog address on it and then give them to people.

#3 - Realize that you are not alone, so you'll have to show them why you're special. 
Chance are there are 50,000 other people who want the same thing as you - so that moment when you think, "If I do that I'll make an ass out of myself" realize that making an ass out of yourself may get people to remember you and if they remember you, they may talk about you. And they tell a friend, who tells two friends... etc.

#4 - If you don't want it 100% then why the hell should anyone else?
If you can't sell your blog or other ideas to yourself, then why the hell should anyone else want it?  

#5 - DON'T STOP, BELIEVIN'!  HOLD ON TO THAT FEEELIN'!  Streetlight, peopleeeee!
Journey.

See. The reality of this situation is that I just wanted to write a list.  
I read these lists, like I stated, that tell you different ways to "get noticed" in the world of blogging. Some of the things I do just because I'm OCD (like change my background all the time - OCD, I bore easily - hence the 3 husbands... KIDDING)

But I will tell you one thing - all the people that follow this blog have awesome blogs of their own.  Then, on my profile page, there is a list of the other blogs I follow - those too rock.

Tell people about the blogs you read while you're telling them about the ones you write.  WE are the filters that whittle through this mess of blogs littering the internet.

In conclusion, this is what you should have gotten out of this blog:

  • Journey.  You know you secretly like them, and you sing along when you think no one is watching.
  • Blogging.  It's not going anywhere, it's only getting bigger. This is scary. So write well!
  • Self-promotion.  Help a brother (or sister) out!  (if you tell a friend and they'll tell a friend...)
  • Pretend your blog is a band you are in and make fliers to put in coffee houses or the vestibule of a restaurant.  
And make me brownies.
Caramel brownies

Now go read more of my stuff and then click on the little faces to the left, head over to my profile and even click on the people that have made comments on my other blogs.

And don't make me tell you twice... ;)

Sweet dreams and good night!


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

helicopters



When it all stops 
and I sit here 
I listen to the sounds of nothing
ceiling fans and typing fingers
something to distract me
the pain is bad
normally I don't mind it
but today it's really bad

the cats walk by
sometimes I wonder what they think
I think they annoy me
but what the hell doesn't 
fur covered feet should be soundless
the one sounds like an elephant
The other two whine

When the clock stuck midnight
I was here... I'm always here
and I think...

Yes, there should be some law against me writing this drivel

If it makes you feel any better I don't have my glasses on
what does that mean?
I can't see the screen... 
I'm blind, very much so
Metaphorically and very literally

But I'm learning
Kinda like putting the glasses back on

Sometimes when I'm this tired
and I hurt this bad
and I can't take any more painkillers 
because I really just shouldn't
I lecture myself about sleep
but I know the truth
I have never been able to sleep

never

even though I'm always tired

That's when I realize 
it's stopped...

just like this

yes - it only makes sense up here
helicopters

Sunday, May 24, 2009

My summer vacation - by ME!!


Next weekend I am going on vacation. For four days I will be sitting in the sunshine, sipping cocktails and dancing my butt off at a wedding with the husband.

My boy will be at home.

I go back and forth on how I feel about this. Today I have played over a series of phone calls home in my head. They are all one sided - my sided...

They go like this:

Phone Call #1
O.K.!  We're at the airport.
Yes, I know you dropped us off, but how is he?
Okay, okay... I'll check-in in a bit.  Call if you need us.
We will.  You too.  Bye.

Phone Call #2
We just got on the plane.  We're waiting for the rest of the passengers to get on.  How is he? The same?  Okay...
I'll check-in in a bit.
Okay.  Bye.

Phone Call #3
We just reached 30,000 feet.
Yes, I know it's only been a half hour, but I wanted to be sure.
Yes. Yes he's right here... honey your mom wants to talk to you.
...wait... why are you hanging up the phone?
BUT HOW IS THE BOY?!!
Wait... give me back my cell phone!
What do you mean NO...!!!!

Phone Call #4 - (from pay phone at landing airport)
The husband took my phone.
Oh, crap!  He spotted me!  GIVE MY BOY A KISS AND TELL HIM I LOVE HIM!!!!
(to husband)
I was checking it for quarters...

Text Message #1
Can't talk long husband keeps taking phone away.
Kiss baby for me. Tell him I love him.
Ph# for 911 on fridge if needed

~sigh~

4 days...

Sanity - you think you have it
then you have a kid and suddenly you know, for a fact, that you were totally wrong.

And that, my friends, it the very reason I will have cash on me for the flight.  
It's called vodka.

Now I just have to make it till Friday...

...to be continued...

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The long sleepless life...


I'm alone so much any more
Time has become a whirlwind
I used to think you had to be out running to make it move so quickly

I was wrong

I listen to the birds sing and whistle to each other
The cars speed past my house
Tiny snoring in the next room

My back hurts 
It always hurts

It all could be spinning and I'd never know
I like it that way

The sun rises
It sets
The cars speed by
My jaw is clenched

I look forward to lying in bed
Even when I can't sleep
Which is most of the time
I look forward to the lake
Sometimes I think I was supposed to be a sailor
The vastness makes me see how small I am

I prefer it

I used to be afraid of being alone
Now I crave it like a drunk craves taco bell at 3am
I like the quiet
The peace
My thoughts not being muddled by those of others
The words that dance in my head are my own
I see the world as it slams into me 
I'm too preoccupied to notice it coming
And the feel of everything

Sometimes I think I was dead for a long while
Or at least asleep
I remember hands and legs and arms and eyes
Lights blurring by
Loud noises
Headaches
Words jumbled together until they meant something
Anything
Nothing...

Is it heroic when the person you're saving is yourself?
Or is it less heroic because it is you...?
Can you be your own hero for realizing you are the one that needed to be saved?
I'm tired of trying to save others

Yes, saving yourself is heroic

I'm alone so often now that when I'm not I hate it
I don't understand anything
I don't want to

I see lips moving and my head is somewhere else
I shut down
Don't comprehend

It's all a blur
A colorful array of movements
Splayed out around me

And I think
maybe now I'll sleep

And thats when he wakes up
Tiny little giggles 
Reminding me that its nice to be awake
Even if I'm so tired I could cry

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Idol was dancing with himself - but me...no...I just like to screw with my own head...


So I talk to myself.

I'm sure everyone does.  I mean, I know most people don't hold full conversations in their heads with people they are not around... but that's just another level of how... fun? I am...?

(but you may have guess that after reading "A List of Things I'll Never Say.")

Those lists either stem from or lead to word throw-down in my head.  This may also explain the almost obsessive amounts of writing I do on a daily basis.  (once again, I'm sure lots of people journal, but do they journal by hand - and have 2+ blogs that that maintain nearly daily? Guess...no.)

So I like to mess with myself... I could dance with myself.  Or even "bop" (oh the 80's...)  

Sorry.

Anyway - I feel this is just part of being a writer.  I think about things and stories, situations in lands I make up and in life - or from life in lands that I make up so then I'm sitting there, on my couch watching something like "Gossip" and they say something which I then apply to my life and the next thing I know my mind is sooooo out of control it's worst than this here run on sentence.  Almost.

I just don't understand why I do it to myself.  Why can't I let go of negative things that make me angry enough to over analyze my life though words written by another writer - words that have nothing to do with my life.  

Trust me - there may be gossip in my life... not the same thing.

I may be impatient, but I don't hold on to things so when crap keep popping up I have to ask myself why and when that turns into a cluster of swear words and a whole lot of unwanted anxiety... See, this is why I used to work out.  You get your heart pumping and sweating and the only person there is you and you're boarder line hurting yourself because you need to rid your mind of all the crutches you've built - those crutches becoming pseudo storage containers for obscure commentary that has nothing to do with anything.

Yes.  I do come on here to see it in front of me.  Thus forcing me to analyze it on a bright shiny screen.  Some how its hard to deny your own stupidity when it's bright in LCD... (or is this screen plasma...? I have no clue)

It's even harder to deny things when they've been recorded.

I'm not a stupid person, and it's more probably due to the fact that I am so freaking impatient. Oh, patience is a virtue. Well, there are 52 virtues all together - so what if that one keeps screwing with me?

You know what I think it honestly is?  My continued quest to be not human and to be impervious to negative situations... one small criticism makes me bonkers and then I try to remind myself - yes, bouncy or weird or crazy - or whatever you want to call me, at least I'm not boring.  No one wants to be around a boring person - unless it makes them feel less boring.

Personally, I just want to stop having full on arguments in my head with people I haven't seen in more than a month.  
But I keep doing it because I'm angry and I may keep a lot inside, but I'm not used to keeping my anger in.  I'm used to putting it out there - I feel that's only fair.

but I don't... can't... won't... don't deserve my anger... 

See.  I do this to myself. The dirty cuss that I am.

The dirty, tired, hungry, sore, ignorant cuss that I am...
Swearing like it's 1862 is fun.

Good night

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Atlas doesn't have it that bad. He may not agree, but that's just his thing.

When you have a child, for the first 6 months of their lives you are required to take them to see their doctor once a month.  During these visits you get to enjoy the pleasure of holding your child while the doctor/nurse gives them shots - this is terrible.

My boys last visit was back in April.  6 months old, 20 lbs and 29 inches long.  He is just a big boy and not in a "husky" kinda way.  He'll be taller than me at 5, I just know it!

But like any doctors appointment - it's not like you get there and have the joy of just going into a room, seeing the doctor - and leaving.

You get to wait.

My boy's doctor's office has two waiting rooms - the "sick" room and the "healthy" room - so I slipped into the "healthy" waiting room to find it already occupied by another woman and her son.  She was my age and he was about 2 or 3 - and he was making her  imaginary meals in the kitchen set up they have there. 

We talked about the boys when she asked me what everyone always asks me, "Is he your first."
"Yes."
"When do you think you will have another one?"  I wanted to say, when monkey's fly.  I didn't.
"He's my only.  We are only having one child."

Until that moment I don't think I noticed just how flustered she was.  Her hair was a little messy, but not enough to comment on.  It was more the air around her - it was almost chaotic and overwhelmed.

"I said the same thing once, Ethan is my second."  A half smile was on her lips for a moment and then she sighed.  "But I look at it like this.  God doesn't give us more than he thinks we can handle."

With that she was gone.  The friendly blond nurse whisked them out of the room and about 5 minutes later I heard Ethan as he received the terrible shots that are always to come at the doctors office.

I sat holding my boy - he can't really sit up yet and he wants to play all the time - so he was getting frustrated.  It was about 15 minutes past his appointment time, but I just kept hearing her say to me over and over again, "God doesn't give us more than he thinks we can handle." as I bounced him on my knee, attempting to convince him he was having a good time. 

He wasn't buying it.

Now, I'm not the God fearing type.  I haven't been to church by choice in more than half my life.  My spiritual/religious beliefs are complicated - to say the least - but still, I needed to hear those words more than she could have ever even known.

It's easy to get overwhelmed, to forget the bigger picture.  I do it all the time.
And then it builds and grows into my sleep problems, or eating issues, or whatever else it can manifest into.

I don't know if there is a God.  I don't believe in hell, but I believe in the devil.  I don't know if someone or something is calling the shots in my life - but I needed that.  I needed (and still do) to know that I can do this even though I feel like I'm carrying the world on my shoulders and it's pushing me backwards down a muddy slope.

Atlas ain't got nothin' on me!  Not right now at least... 

The combination of events in my life that have brought me to where I'm at this very moment have been jagged in the last 19 or so months.  I do the "half full" - "look at the bright side" - "silver lining" thing daily and sometimes it holds - but sometimes I recognize it for the band-aid on the side of Hoover Dam that I know it is and realize my moments are limited.  

Soon the adhesive will break free and then what?

I understood how that mom felt - I think that is why I could feel the chaos dancing around her, somehow her chaos and my chaos slammed into each other as Ethan conjured up pizza with peppers on a dirty plastic plate.

But now I know.  
I know I can do this.
I know I can reassure myself in the flustered words of a tired mom.

And I know, that when all else fails... crap.  I don't know anything!
Except maybe why Atlas has that look on his face, all, the, time.

Baby steps.

Good night

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I'M SO TIRED I COULD CRY! But I won't - wet pillows suck...

At some point I just need to come to terms with the fact that I'm so overly tired all the time because I just don't ever sleep.
I'm sitting here staring at that picture and wishing it was me - but what's the point?  It never is.

There is just too much to do.

As you may have noticed I am blogging nearly daily again.  I just feel the urge to do so.

Read.
Write.
Work.
Write.
Hang with fam.
Yard work.
Write...

The argumentative state of my life right now is not good.  
Yet another reason I'm tired. When all you do is feel angry and fight with people... it's draining.
My quest for alone time has taken a bad turn - I'm sure it has more to do with the fact that I'm sick... but still - it seems the only time of day I enjoy is this time of day. No one. No phone. Nothing but me and my thoughts. My television shows. My movies. ME! ME! ME!

I'm just tired.  It may seem overly selfish but in all honesty, you can only do SO MUCH before you break, and this is me breaking. (when I find myself looking at astrology sites for answers to deep seeded issues in my life, I know I'm breaking... I've been looking for a while now.  I have the spam to prove it... and what did I come up with? I prefer the horoscopes printed by the Onion.)

So I've grown distant...

People talk to me and I just float away. 
Then I get totally frustrated. (you know... cuz they keep talking...)
THEN I feel super mean... you know - for ignoring them.  
It really is rude, and I'm not overly fond of being rude - unless it's totally necessary.

And then I submerge myself in all of my 5,000 ongoing projects...

Example:
The TV Blog is starting to take off pretty well, and the food blog is taking longer to construct than I ever imagined it would.  
I'm hoping to have it mostly done by Friday.

Then I'm hoping to drink on my porch. <- LOVE ME SOME PORCH DRINKING!

~Those are my goals this week.  For now at least.~

I'm going to go to bed before I feel the need to reveal things that I shouldn't... like my love of fried foods, or how I think origami is really neat-o noodles.

Here you go - here's my "What would make me happy RIGHT NOW" list:
  • Sleep
  • Butter fried pierogies (the cottage cheese variety)
  • Not being lactose intolerant (the pills don't work for me... apparently the gods hate me)
  • Getting the food blog ready for a freaking review
  • 70+ temps and no rain for the next 8 months, nay - 8 YEARS!
  • Sex
  • Finding a place to print the 3 kids books I wrote for Xander
  • Finding an illustrator for those same books
  • Twix
  • and just to drive it home - sleep, sex and chocolate
(I'm giving shoes a week off)

I'm shutting up.  Go read this blog - it's funny.
And good night!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The Invention of Hugo Cabret and other books that I love...


When ever I go to the book store (which is frequent) I like to pick up some books for my boy. I'll grab one for now - meaning an over size picture book like "Llama, Llama Misses Mama" (I like Llamas...) and I'll grab one for later - something for when he's older.

The first series I began to collect (besides Harry Potter, yes I have those too) was called Ranger's Apprentice, by John Flanagan. I read the first one when my boy was really little, I remember holding him in one arm with the book behind his head and a bottle in the other hand. I have to finish this series. Actually, I had planned on starting to finish it this week - but that's when I found Hugo Cabret.  

But, I'll get to that in a second.

My second series is still on the first book.  It's called Young Samurai: the Way of the Warrior, by Chris Bradford. This book I tore through and can't wait for the second book to come up next month. Sadly it is not to be released here ['Ol US of A] until later, but amazon uk... LOVE IT!

So, the husband and I went to the bookstore on wednesday and I found a new series. I can't even remember the name. It was another fantasy story by a woman - I know where it's at in the store... anyway... I picked up this book and read the back, it seemed kinda cool so I brought it over to the husband who was looking through the magna/graphic novel section of the kids department (he wants G.I. Joe books for the boy) and as I'm rattling on about this new fantasy book I want to read and he's ignoring me because they have "Transformer" and "X-Men" but no G.I. Joe graphic or other novels [which pisses him off] when I see this book out of the corner of my eye.


There's a shiny silver circle on it, which means it won some award, and the cover is fanciful - and I'm a fan of fancy free, so I snatch it up as the husband drones on about G.I. Joe... [the books will be out in June, he'll live...]

As I flip through this book by Brian Selznick and I read over the story summation, I glance over at the first book I picked up - the fantasy one - and I set it back on the shelf.  I have to get this Hugo Cabret story. 

It's long.  Over 500 pages - but there are pictures - sketches - beautiful, wonderful and glorious sketches.

I just finished this book.  It took me about 6 hours over 3 days.
This book is wonderful and if you like young adult literature, are a fan of French history or you like Georges Milies...



It was wonderful!
And it made me think how badly I need to finish my book.

Now... I need to go back and find that fantasy book!  HA!  
It was a blue book with black writing and there was a man on the cover. Yeah... that should help the bookstore employee help me find it... sure it will... 

HA!  Found it online!! "The Last Apprentice!" Best part?  The covers not blue... and I don't think it was written by a woman... (unless Joseph Delaney is now a woman's name...)
GO ME!  

Anyway!!  The Invention of Hugo Cabret is worth $25!

I'm sick and need to sleep, tonight I can not wait to dream!
~good night!

Friday, May 8, 2009

A list of things I'll never say!

You know that moment when you feel it.  
You're sitting there and suddenly it pops in your head - 

Crap, I think I'm getting sick!

I'm at that moment.
Here's hoping it was the 3 beers, 
two cigarettes and a pile of m&ms I just ate...

Who knows....

What I think is funny is that for many moments I am fine
And then... I AM NOT! I sure wish I was a robot. Please reboot me.  
(I should probably wish I wasn't a dork)
Naw... teasing... 
Baggage is fun!
It keeps you evolving...
and slightly off kilter late at night.

SO! I have this list. I have many lists. (you may imagine...)
Everyone has lists.
There are the lists of "people I'd like to sleep with" (that's the polite version of that list)
Then there is the "list" list - you know... people you'd like to smack in the face...(also, polite version)

I have those lists too, and I have another list.

This very special list resides solely in my head. (with the voices)
It's the "List of Things I'll Never Say!"

This list is amazing, because it always starts off slow, mostly out of nowhere and then BAM!  
I'M SCREAMING LIKE A TEENAGED PREGNANT GUEST ON JERRY SPRINGER! 
(Maybe if I roll my head enough I'll make it on the Soup! If only I had a catch phrase...)

Each time it's the same...

I'll start off with the normal, "You know what..." and the next thing I know I'm feverishly cleaning the house
ranting in my head about things/people that annoy and/or disgust me.

As I've stated, these things are on the "Things I'll Never Say" list, not the "Things I'll Hold in Until I Blog"
list... yes, that means I will still NOT say most of them - partially do the the abundant amount of profanity
I like to use in these rants (this blogs is not set to 18+) and partially due to the fact that some things
should just be a rant in my head as I scrub the tub. (my tub is very shiny)

But alas...

You see, I'm on the tail end of a buzz. Earlier - when the buzz was much more prominent the rant in my
head was ... drunk lucid... and now I'm sober - BLURG - and so the walls are up and the "screw that"
attitude is back in its place and the "really? shut your pie hole" mentality is in for the night.

I'm a very "take it or leave it" kinda gal. I'm not a fan of "games" and I don't
"mince words." (but I sure love me some "quotes")
I just say it - sometimes that works out, sometimes it doesn't but its who I am - and if you
don't like who I am.  

[shall I insert that rant here?!!!]

IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHO I AM then you can go screw yourself. Seriously, get a freaking life - I have one!
I wasn't put on this earth so that you could sit around and belittle me - but you know what? Go ahead.
That way I know you have something to talk about over dinner since it seem you have nothing to talk 
about at all.
Yes. That's the purpose of my life. I was put here so that, when you're blowing on your pasta - 
that you cut up... into tiny little pieces...
You can talk about me. How much weight I lost - you know, cuz I did it on purpose to piss you off.
You can talk about whatever you like! The books I like or don't, the fact that I don't like stupid cheesy ass 
tearjerker movies that really are poorly written and target an audience - just like you!
Hell, and when the pool runs low - make shit up!

I used to apologize for me.

But no more. I like me.
I have shitty ass self esteem - so you know what I do when I'm feeling super low?
I tell me how awesome I am!

How's that make you feel?
Makes me feel like a million freakin' dollars!
Shiny dollars! You know - ONE MILLION SHINY COIN DOLLARS!
(that just adds to it right? Coins - not paper dollars... in your pocket... weighing you down... the nerve!)

Oh rants.
Joy!

~sigh~

How do I know?
People think they're cleaver - I've met maybe 2 cleaver people in my life.
I'm 33.
Not good odds for you.

So I build my list
And it grows
But I never write it down. Not here. Not in my journal - electronic or hand written
(And yes - I hum the Doogie Howser theme when I journal on my computer.)

Why? Why don't I write I down?
Somethings are meant to be forgotten...
And in ten years - when I'm getting all "buzzed" - and before the
"really? shut your pie hole" mentality is in for the night

I'll remember
And I'll laugh
Because when you're not in the "shit" (oh Rushmore)
Its so much easier to find the humor

Things I'll never say...
And you thought I couldn't keep my mouth shut... oh, if you only knew...

I need a lozenge
Stupid beer, cigarettes and M&Ms...

Will I ever learn?!
...do I really want to?

[insert rant here]

sweet dream, may sunbeams find you. sweet dream and leave your worries behind you...
Shut up already and go to bed!
GOOD NIGHT!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Manic, tattoos and sleep deprivation


My mind keeps running in circles tonight
All over the place
I'm starting to feel manic

Mother's day is sunday
My house is a mess
I need to get to the bank
Grocery store
Target
My mind is driving me crazy
So the dulling begins





Facebook
Blog
Write
Read
Doctor Who
Laugh at Ramirez 
(performance enhancing drugs... Manny can't swing his bat that well these days...
not that bat... his other bat... HA!)

...the picture...

I'm considering having her tattooed on me
On my right side
My left will read "To my beloved son"
(not in english - torn between chinese or korean - don't ask)
Behind the words will be flowers
Nothing crazy
Just a family thing

The only tattoo I have planned that is not family related
Is a fanboy thing...


but that's the only one and that is my last one...
The next one is none I have spoken of...

~bounce~

When I was a kid we didn't have much money
but every year we went someplace
maybe it wasn't the south of France
but we went...

Tent, trailer, back of the station wagon
Maine, Florida, Halifax
Baltimore, Salem, Gettysburg

Most trips ended at a body of water
My dad was in the Coast Guard
Outside of my mom he loves 3 things:

Boats
History &
Pancakes

I love those things because of him
In 33 years I have claimed them as my own
And made them a part of me

My next tattoo, a ship
Ship + Water = Freedom
Never stop

I've been told that I have "commitment issues"
No I don't
I have stale issues
I have issues that arise when I notice moss on my legs

Sadly I am loyal to a fault
And if I make a commitment I adhere to it,
even when I shouldn't

[not talking about my marriage]

Marriage is only one type relationship
There are many other kinds...
...in the end, I give back what I take in
you treat me nice - I'll bake you brownies
you treat me like crap... you get what you give

~bounce~

My mind is all over the place tonight
Bouncing from corner to corner
Crevice to crevice...

Faces
Names
Situations past
Stories
Poems
Scripts
The future

And then I try to calm it
Let it breeze past me

unclench my teeth

.
..
...

Mother's day is sunday
My house is a mess
I need to get to the bank
The grocery store
Target...

I'm feeling manic and crazed
at least I'm feeling something

...something other than ill

(One should feast on things
other than m&ms
and coffee)

one should do a lot of things...

like sleep

But I'm going to pass
I need to read


I'll leave the sleeping to you...
just promise me that you'll dream

~good night