Sunday, June 28, 2009

Sometimes I know I'm not meant to understand any of it, which is good, because I don't.

Why is it the older you get, the shorter weekends get?

Well, at least I learned a few things this weekend. They are as follows:

#1 - Baby hangovers are still the worse kind of hangover known to man. What is a baby hangover?You drink till 3am and then wake up and THERE'S YOUR BABY!

#2 - Regardless of how much I love it - Cow Milk Cheese is my mortal enemy and wants me dead. Badly.

#3 - When my parents say "come over for dinner" they really mean to say "I need a reason to justify a Banana Split and YOU visiting IS that reason..."

#4 - Even people that yell at you over the TV about buying cool things like Oxi-Clean and Mighty Putty can die

I feel the need to comment on the other deaths that have happened in the last few weeks - David Carradine (a.k.a. Bill in Kill Bill <- that's most recent), Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays and stupid ass Michael Jackson.

I'll miss David Carradine, Ed McMahon and Billy Mays.
Sorry Farrah and I'm not sorry Mr. Jackson. What asshole gets to be $400 million in debt? I get pissed when I have $500 in debt - what was that to you? One of those stupid ass surgeon masks you insisted on wearing to cover up the fact you looked like Mr. Bill on acid?

And to all of you out there over glorifying him and comparing him to Elvis - maybe Elvis when he was hopped up on drugs and kicked it on his toilet - but COME ON! You know, if you don't want to acknowledge the whole "small children" issue at least look at it this way, now Paul can buy back all the Beatles music. (I hear he needs the money to pay off his ex-wife)

I'm feeling saucy. 
Blame the cows milk... bastards... the stand there in their fields and look at you with those long lashes and big brown eyes filled with lies!

ugh! I need Tums... or a time machine... 

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