Tuesday, July 21, 2009

F.O.I.L. - First, Outter, Inner, Last... and I'm still lost


What happens when you decided to go on your blog and announce to the world that you're doing just fine? Well! You wake up at 4am and your mind begins to race, evil thoughts infiltrate as anxiety fills your chest forcing you to realize that you are now on the verge of a panic attack.

This is followed by images and scenarios you don't want filling your head as you feel the last breath in your throat escape through clenched teeth. The damp sheets suddenly seem to be pulling tighter and tighter around you until you are strapped to the bed, thwarting what little chance of escape you may have thought you had... 

Then the room grows hotter and hotter - the fans aren't working - and all you can think, all you can scream in your head is "SHUT UP YOU! SHUT UP!!" this is promptly followed by praying and begging that someone, anyone will stop it all for happening. Asking them to show you a sign, just take it all away, or at least give you the peace you need to finally fall back to sleep since you didn't fall asleep till nearly 2am in the first place.

Yes, that is what happens... In the end, I don't recommend commenting on your boundless amounts of happiness because it is just a window that you are opening, a seemingly harmless window that will lead you to the nether regions of hell where you will be spat in the face and laugh at as you wipe your eyes!

Yes. 
Yes.
Yes.

On an up note, I've been working on my creative writing a lot more lately - OH! And after having to have the 4 tires on my car replaced this evening (which wasn't planned at all...), I saw a beautiful rainbow and a deer!

Message received people and gods I was praying to in my bit of a tissy in the middle of the night! 

MESSAGE RECEIVED!

¿What was that message?

Take Advil PM before bed tomorrow.
...and I did...

(all joking aside - when you're as superstitious as I am... message received. In my next life I'm coming back as an atheists that always "thinks there's a logical reason for everything" but in the mean time... you guys need to loosen up... a little mystery is not a bad thing at all.)

good night!

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