Tuesday, August 25, 2009

17 - Asanas


I heard this great quote tonight,
"Death steals everything but our stories."  - Jim Harrison

That has nothing to do with anything, but when I heard it the words struck me so I thought I should share. I never even wondered who wrote "Legends of the Fall" but now I'm overly curious to read his works.

But who has the time? (or the money for that matter)

The list of books I have that I want to read runs longer than the Mississippi. Each time I take one off 5 or 6 jump in that one single books place and there I am, again, lost in a sea or an abyss of goals that I'd like to obtain but feel like I can't due to the size of it all.

In lies patience.

Something I've been accused, many a time, of not having.

Most days I feel, when the spiteful accusing words pop up, to point out the mammoth number of "virtues" that are out there and rationalize that if I am only messing one up, I must be doing pretty okay - but then I realized - the only person I'm attempting to convince is myself. 

Honestly, I'm not nearly as impatient as most people perceive. 

I tend to feel that people toss out the blame of impatient just like the accusation of "selfish" - its something people say when they are the ones not getting their own way.

Someone is impatient because they don't want to work on my schedule
~a.k.a.~
Someone is selfish, when the reality is the person yelling is  the one that isn't getting their way. 

The two seem to go hand in hand, at least for me.

But at the end of the day, I'm not that overly impatient, and when I am - I look at it and realize that I've been attempting to find a way to slow down that will help me and not hinder me.

Being able to shut all of that off is a wonderful thing. Patience is a wonderful thing.

I'm not that good at it yet. I slept very little due to that last night. I tried to calm my brain and to let things go - but somethings just kept creeping up on me and making me not be able to concentrate.

What I think is even worse is that right now I can't even remember what those things where. Something so overly important that I couldn't fall asleep until well after 3 AM, but not important enough to remember 24 hours later are things that don't deserve to be in my brain at all.

Each day I try more.
Each day I move forward, even if its only a 1/2 of millimeter.
But that is better than nothing.

I think that patience is one of those things that comes with experience, with age and with wisdom. The older you get the more you realize that the sayings are all true.
"If you love something set it free..." Those types of sayings. 

"Patience is bitter, but it's fruit is sweet" - Jean Jacques Rousseau
"Adopt the pace of nature. Her secret is patience" - Ralph Waldo Emerson 
"Genius is eternal patience" - Michelangelo

And I'm sure there are 1,000+ more on the topic. It's one of those, many, things you have to learn on your own time and in your own way.

Yes, it really is a virtue.
But I think there are many virtues that we over look.
And then again, the list is so long I think that it's impossible to be the impervious to fault and failure. Having a sense of them all is one thing but assuming you will be able to conquer all of them in a short amount of time is most unlikely. 

That isn't a challenge. Just the fact that we are all human and allowed to fail.
How else will we grown?

In the end it always comes down to one thing: balance.

Balance is the key.

Out of everything in this world and everything in my life, when I have balance I am happiest. Being angry, holding onto the past, not forgiving people for something they did too many years ago to count... 

I have hopes and dreams for my futures, but the futures isn't certain - not all of it. So I will. I'll be patient and hope for the best. Try to see myself reaching my goals and then realize...

...realize I'm so tired that the screen is blurry because my eyes no longer want to focus ;)

I'm going to leave you with more from Jim Harrison. It's called Barking:

The moon comes up.
The moon goes down.
This is to inform you
that I didn’t die young.
Age swept past me
but I caught up.
Spring has begun here and each day
brings new birds up from Mexico.
Yesterday I got a call from the outside
world but I said no in thunder.
I was a dog on a short chain
and now there’s no chain.

*********************************************************************
Day 17:

tonight I found a new poet to fall in love with
my son fell asleep in my arms
I learned that asanas means "yoga"
and the scriptures written about asanas were written over 1700 years ago
I found that I have patience for all of my friends
even the ones I rarely see
even the ones that may not see me as their friends
I have patience for a lot of things 
even if it is hidden by a well constructed wall I use to obstruct your view of me
Tonight I learned that the husband loves smalls towns
as much as I do
even thought we both thrive on the chaos of the city
I learned that Fage greek yogurt can be even more delicious than sour cream
when prepared correctly
That I have more insecurities about my body than I care to admit
that my new schedule of working out 
may be taking away something I concentrate too much on
Forcing me to redefine myself
by something other than my body
Tonight I learned that Montana can be even more intriguing than
Malaysia
More exhilarating than
Tokyo
and just as enriching as 
Rome
I was reminded that my need to judge is wasteful
And I suddenly missed my love of reading poetry
by Charles Bukowski

I hope all is well
good night

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