Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Day 18...



for all that I never know
I am thankful
because knowing too much
can ruin everything

I had weird dreams this afternoon when I napped.
It's weird.
Last night I slept very soundly
Last night I meditated before I went to bed 
Death Meditation
It was the best sleep I've had in ages
No
You're not supposed to meditate yourself to sleep
But sometimes I have to
I have for years

The first time I heard about meditation was, maybe, in high school
I know I didn't have my drivers license
I was in the backseat of my parents car
(loved that car)
It was something on the radio
Some man talking about meditation
sitting in a chair 
breathing
imagining a weight starting on the head
moving down the body with each breath
each breath in was "good"
each breath out was "bad"

The death meditation you lay down
Let the gravity of the earth pull you into the ground
heavy
listening to your breath
feeling it move throughout you
through your body
concentrating on it
while you lie there 
and imagine yourself dead

I know how it sounds
but it's not a negative thing

Everyone knows they are going to die
Its the one thing you can't ever avoid
So you may accept it
I thought I had until I did the meditation

The first time I began to cry

vain till the end :)

You lie there
the weight of gravity pulling you backwards
pressing into you
and you imaging yourself dead
lying in the ground
surrounded by dirt

Then you move forward
body bloated and falling apart

And forward still until you are just bones

One day we will all be a pile of bones
Or a pocket of dust

You can't cheat death
And why would you want to?

The only way to ever really achieve true immortality
is in the memory of the people who loved us
in the stories we leave behind

And when you know that one day
tomorrow will never come
it helps you to appreciate today a bit more

To remind you to tell those people you love that you love them
To remember that it's never to late to save a friendship
To help you revitalize the ones you have

Suddenly when there is no tomorrow
Today looks much different

But as I started out
I still say thank you for all the things I don't know
Sometimes 
It's the greatest gift of all

Sometimes
Knowledge is a curse

But in the end it doesn't matter how much you figure out
We all still have good days and bad days

Then then we have days where we slept so well we ended up napping...
It will never make any sense to me how the more sleep I get 
the more tired I am...


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