Yesterday afternoon, it was still early, maybe 3pm, I was sitting on my couch and eating a little snack I made up for myself.
Nothing fancy. Mostly veggies from my garden.
Well, I'm on my "lady's days," and I leaned forward to eat some of my snack when this sharp pain ripped through me.
Outside of labor contractions, I have never felt pain like this.
I didn't do well with contractions. There were moments I remember seeing my husband through a haze, looking down at me with concern. I remember the voices that surrounded me sounded as if they were down a hallway - distinct and unreachable.
Until I had my epidural I was useless every 3 minutes.
This went on from 4am till 9:30am. Just to give you an idea of the pain.
When I sat on my couch I flipped out. I couldn't stand and I was alone with my boy. Luckily he was napping and my hubby was en route. But still. There was about 5 minutes when I wasn't sure what the hell I was going to do.
The husband showed up just as I was hobbling into our bedroom - heating pad in tow.
I had to cancel yoga, which really irked me because I was looking so forward to it.
It was my first class this week.
After my low point yesterday, doubt filling me like... like only doubt can - I wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by my fellow yogis, bending and twisting and talking about our journey.
I'm not alone on this.
I'm lucky enough to have a select few that are, and have been, walking this path for a while. We are all dealing with this differently, but we come together and talk about it.
There is one woman in particular that I talk with. She is helping me reach my goals as an instructor, and I appreciate that more than any words can articulate. So I couldn't wait to be in that safe cocoon. To see those faced that make me know I can do this...
When the pain hit me I figured I could walk it off, but I couldn't. I ended up in bed till well after 6pm, by then my belly was still sore and I wasn't willing to try it.
Today I started off in a blur. I thought it was tomorrow so I was confused as to why I was alone in the house. When it hit me, I made my coffee and attempted to work, but I had over slept (thinking it was the weekend I went back to sleep after my initial waking) and had to rush to accomplish a few things before it was time to retrieve my son.
Life moves fast.
Some times it moves too fast.
I picked up my book a few time, wrote some things I needed to, worked on meditation and then it was baby time. And then it was night.
11pm before I had a chance to stop
11pm before I had a chance to breath
But before that I had a gift.
Throwing dinner together I was mulling around the kitchen chopping this and baking that when my phone went off telling me I had a new email. It was a comment for yesterdays post.
Reading it quickly, I started to cry
People think that the number 13 is a cursed number
I've always thought it was a great number
And today it was my favorite
Thank you for your faith in me
Tonight I'm going to read more of my book and meditate. The next few months are going to be tedious and I need to prepare.
Thank you again, and good night.