Monday, August 31, 2009

Rhythm and Routine vs Comfort and Death - Sure sounds over dramatic! Probably because it is... Day 23

One of the first things that was suggested to us, my husband and I, as new parents was to get our son used to a routine.

It is key.

Once the routine is in place, it does wonders. Your kid will start sleeping through the night, etc.

I also read an article about how to cure insomnia, what a wonderful idea, and it said the same thing - once you have a routine, once you present a rhythm to your life, life is just easier. 

This is all true.
If there is one thing to be learned by all the books I'm reading and all the things I've learned in class, the best way to achieve your goals is slow and steady and with a nice calm rhythm.

But don't be fool.
Sometimes we mistake rhythm and routine for comfort and repetition.

How can you tell the difference? 
Rhythm and routine should help you grow
Repetition is the same thing over and over and over again... like, dating the same type of person that treats your poorly, or eating at BK every Friday even though you fully understand that those "angry" whoppers are the direct cause for that belly you hate.

Rhythm and routine doesn't mean easy.
It doesn't mean "comfortable" and it doesn't mean you're just wasting away - it means you found a beat to live to - you know and understand that if you watch television till 1 AM its going to take you another whole hour to unwind from all the fast images that were pumped into your brain so you can sleep well. Finding that will help you do other things on a better and more productive level because your life won't be so chaotic.

Television, distractions that are loud and vivid just pull you away from the other things you keep telling yourself in the back of your head that you're going to do. 
Be it paint the garage or write that book - you find yourself falling into the "let's eat dinner and sit on the couch" moment, night after night after night - and then the book isn't written and the garage isn't painted and you're not happy because you let yourself down and for what?

Trust me, I watch TV, there really isn't that much that is good on.
Get a DVR or Tivo and then record the shows you want to see - and set aside a day to watch them. Perhaps Sunday, or maybe even Monday night - doing nothing after getting back to work, sometimes, is a wonderful thing.

But it's not easy
It's not easy to break bad habits
Even though you hear that stupid voice in the back of your head going, "What are you doing? You know this isn't what you want to be doing... why are you doing this?"
I know that voice too well
I think we dated once... I'm sure it ended poorly...

The same thing goes for relationships - and I mean all types.
We get into these holding patterns where we decided to give our precious time to people who don't deserve us.

There are so many reason
There are so many excuses
From the bold to the uber lame

We, humankind, stay in negative relationships that do nothing but hurt us and for what? What is the reason?

Yes, quitters never win, but are you really a quitter when it's for the best? Being verbally beaten down is even worse than physical abuse (but physical abuse normally carries the two combined) 

I'd rater have someone knock my teeth out than screw with my head. 

After a while of hearing all of your faults listed to you over and over and over again and then having it all rolled up into, "but at least you have me..." will do nothing but make you question yourself, over and over and over and over - until you finally come to this:

You can't always save the other person.
Sometimes you have no choice but to save yourself.

People, females in particular, feel the need to "save" people, especially men. (at least in the realm of dating) and honestly, is it worth it?

Some people just suck
They suck the life out of you
Your will to move forward 
They damper the fight in your soul

And we take it
Because we don't want to "fail"

In general I think that life is practice.
Each level we are practicing for the next, and the next and the next
If you're lucky you will be strong enough and smart enough and brave enough to take the good things, leave the bad thing and break from the negative people and the mundane routines that do nothing other than make us fat and miserable.  

Life can be simple
But it's not always easy
If it was easy, everyone would be happy 
Thomas More would have been our king
And we would live in Utopia

When you get stuck in a holding pattern you have to realize that at some point you're going to crash, because at the end of the day we only have so much fuel - and if you run out... then what?

I was put in a situation the other night, a situation that 6 months ago would have ended in me (probably) crying myself to sleep. This time I looked at it, shrugged my shoulders and moved on. I even stopped for a moment and questioned why I wasn't broken up and then it hit me - it's all working.

23 days in and I can feel my resolve growing 
I like my choice
Others may not, but I do
I have to admit, I'm still slightly fearful of what the final out come will be, but at the same time I'm excited

I have this image of me in my head, it's an image I carried around for many, many years - the person I so desperately wanted to be and I can finally smell her perfume... it's sweet. I can't wait to meet her, read her books, talk to her - 

And I can't wait till I stop referring to her as if she is not me - because then it won't feel this silly  


Please don't mistake comfort with love
Don't be afraid to fail
Understand that love, no matter how great will hurt really, really bad from time to time. Because being that honest leaves you naked
Know that there is more out there, you're not alone - 2.5 BILLION people, you're never alone - even when you can't see a soul for miles...

Sometimes the hard thing is the right thing
And the easy thing will kill you

Trust me, at the end of the day if it all was easy, everyone would be doing it
And why the hell would you want to be like everyone?


  1. I LOVE the differences in us all

    and embrace my insomnia lol

  2. I love my insomnia too, I think the only time I didn't was when my son was a new born. But other wise I love the odd hours and being up when people go to sleep and then being up when they get up.

    It confuses and mystifies them! haha ;)

  3. A) I think the reason that so many people feel the urge/need to "save" others is to distract themselves from fixing THEMSELVES, and...
    B) "- it's all working.
    23 days in and I can feel my resolve growing
    I like my choice
    Others may not, but I do
    I have to admit, I'm still slightly fearful of what the final out come will be, but at the same time I'm excited" ---- good for you!!!

  4. it's always easier to find something outside of yourself to get involved in so you can avoid your own life.
    Over all, I'd still like to end up helping people, but in a proactive way - not a "shut down my own life because yours is more important" way.

    It's something I struggle with because part of me knows that it is avoidance, but the other part of me feels selfish if I look at myself too long - if that makes sense.

    But in the end, how can you save anyone else if you can't even stand on your own two feet?