Wednesday, October 7, 2009

And on the 7th day...

You could go out six days a week and do the right thing. You could feed orphans, find shelter for the homeless, give what little extra money you have to a hospital, read books to the blind, but if you decided to spend that seventh day drinking and swearing that means there is a group of people who only see you as a belligerent drunk who does nothing but drink and cuss.

Does it matter?

I don't know. That's purely up to you.

When you only see someone 4 hours over a stretch of 30 days there is no way for them to know you. But then again, it takes your entire life for you to get to know yourself.

There are too many labels we place on ourselves, on others - concise.

We just need a little punch press so we can put everyone neatly away.

I've never found exactly me, but I've always know the essence of who I am. Its like a light that glows in my chest, the fire that keeps me going, moving, smiling, breathing - living.
I've seen that light in so many others - people I've only brushed against in my life for a moment.
And I've also seen what it looks like when that light is gone. The empty shell of a person who roams this world like a ghost that so many people fear and hide from.

When you're young its like going up that first big hill of a roller coaster. You're laughing and scared and doing whatever it is you do - I tend to clench my jaw, fists and toes (afraid of falling...) and then one day you get to the top and you see this view. Miles and miles and miles of everything splayed out before you...

Then, one single moment later, you're moving so fast all you can do is scream and hope that hidden camera takes a nice photo.


You can spend six days of your life drinking, cussing and being all around belligerent, and on the seventh day you can help someone carry their groceries to their car. Take their shopping cart and put it in the cart return for them. Hold a door. Give someone your coat.

And in that moment you are someone's hero because you thought of them first.
And on that seventh day they will see you for a person who smiles and says/does nice things for no reason other than for the act itself.

One moment changes it all.
Defines who you are - for one moment.
Finding you a way to live in the presence of yourself.

one moment of clarity will let you know that the only person who needs to be happy with you all of the time is you, because no matter how close you are to someone they can never be with you all 7 days straight.

I'm just rambling... I've read a lot of books on karma in the past few days. Lots of scriptures about life and human nature. I do love it most earnestly, but sometimes the over saturation of karmatic logic make me stand on my head because I'm not sure where I'm coming from or where it's leading me to.

It's not fear.

I'm a little scared about Friday because it's new. And new is new... But it's excited scared, not fear for my life scared.

But I read these stories and these texts and part of my life says - YOU'VE GOT IT!
And the other part of my life just looks at me when I ramble those things out loud.

There are so many labels in this world that when you enter into a new place that listens to chanting... incense, krishna... scriptures, gods...


you are you. You're not a job. A place mat. Someone else.
Believe in you and you will succeed.
Have faith
Accept love
Love unconditionally - no just eternally
Accept that people are human and they can mess up
And just be yourself...

I'm supposed to be working, but I'm so burnt out...
sigh again
I'm so burnt out that I'm going to bed
And tomorrow, when I come on here, I'm going to tell a funny story! Hahaha!

I'll think of one... promise!

Good night.

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