Thursday, October 1, 2009

one daniel boone hat - check! and go!


I'm on edge tonight...
I don't even know why, I just am.
I ended up having to nap today - and I really don't like napping, but here I am
wide awake due to it.

I'm getting very nervous about everything
Classes start a week from tomorrow (friday)
can you believe they're here?

I can't

I felt bad today, I was at the end of my rope
my boy, he wants to crawl
and me, I want to be rested
but those are two things I can't control
and when I'm tired
so tired I swear I can see the energy outlines of everyone around me
like heat coming off a grill
when he wants to play
my brain freezes up and I can't tell which way is up

We went to the store
He was mad
then I was mad
then I felt terrible

How could I ever be mad at something that looks like this?


Cute, right?
Small and cute
and all he wants to do is crawl
and not have treatments
(which he's done with)
and play
he loves to play
and cuddle
but only when he's tired
how could I be mad at this?

There's this spot in our house
a doorway from our dining room to the living room
it seems to be slippery
the other day he was trying to make it over that slippery hump
and trying
trying
and trying
when he stopped
laid flat on this stomach - arms out to his side, head on the ground
and sighed...

But I'm burning the candle at both ends
so I'm losing my grip

I think the things that amazes me the most
is that through all of this
the baby
lack of sleep
studying
reading
writing
book group
writing group
and general life
... all I can think is how I want to start writing music again
but when?

LOL!

maybe in March
maybe in 2011
and it's not even 2010...haha

In the end this is all I have to say. Yes, there is always tomorrow. That's how you have to look at it.
There are so many things I want to do with this short life of mine. So many I tend to try to do them all at once.
Knowing that there is an end makes me, or even forces me to want to do it all now - but then that's really like arriving early to a party

Take your time.

Get then when it's right.

Stop forcing things.

There is so much to do, and I'll do it - but one thing at a time and still I'll stay open to the idea that I could move down another path, but that doesn't mean I should stop or give up. It only means I should open myself up to new things in this world.

So I guess, when I need a break I'll work on that music
and maybe I'll play a show again one day

trust me
you'll be the first to know
but for now

sleep

oh and today
butterflies
I saw them everywhere

hmm...
good night.

2 comments:

  1. I know how you feel, the days when you think you are losing it...But then one of the kids do something...Something that keeps me grounded...something that makes me realize, that things can wait, at least a bit...

    And seriously...Look at that picture...That's the greatest thing in the world right there...He's cute as hell!

    Those days when I'm feeling crazy do seem to give me some good material though...

    I don't know if this helped...I'm just kinda being a tired, rambling a$$...I'll go to sleep now.

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  2. It helps...
    It was just one of those days when no matter what I did right something seemed to bring me down...
    He is cute, I love that little guy so much. He's the reason I know luck exists because I'm lucky to have him.

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