Thursday, December 24, 2009


It's 9:00pm and Christmas Eve.
I'm sitting here at my computer, my house is silent - all the men are in bed.
My feet are freezing, you see, I too decided to retire for the night but then grew restless and so I crept out in my robe and here I sit - bare legs and feet - typing away.
I've been going to bed earlier and earlier theses days. Part due to exhaustion and part due to the fact that this is the first time in my life I can sleep, I've grown fond of that pile of springs, cotton, wood and toppings - but not like last year when I was fond of it because it was the only thing keeping me off the ground.

The up side of extra sleep is that my extra saucy personality has been padded with a smile or two, but the down side is that things - many things - have begun to suffer.

My writing is nearly non-existent these days
My homework is piling up
My "alone time" has been chiseled down to bathroom breaks (I now shower daily and my skin hurts due to it)

I drop one for the other and have been trying to figure out how I can mesh the two in a nice little package so I can very well have my cake and eat it too.

9:00pm on Christmas Eve and it's probably the most awake I've been in months.

If the little light
at the end of the hall
flickers just right
I can't see
while blinking
and if the wind
blows just right
it sounds like I'm
trapped in a tunnel
If the sleep
that I get
is taken away
will I cease to
function as
the person I am
and if I strive
to write and
study every day

what's a little sleep dep?

9:00pm - you'll see me again - more often then in the last week
It's time to get back into it because I miss it so. I miss it like part of my heart has bee removed.

Yoga brings me peace.
Writing brings me breath.


Last night I saw what my life would have been if I had kept on the path of delinquent drinker. As I stood in the shoulder of 90 with two cop cars rollers spinning and two cops flanking my sides.

Tonight I see my future.


I'm running out of time, only 227 days to go...

I wish you all a Merry Christmas. May it be the Christmas you wanted. May you get all the toys you crave. May you find the path that suits you & and I hope the sweets are good too!


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