Thursday, December 10, 2009


Ever get in your own way?
Ever put yourself down before anyone else did it to you?
Ever tell yourself that you're not good enough? Smart enough?

Yes. These are the very things that surround my life.

I wake up and I chant good happy thoughts to myself - but there is always an evil little voice in the back of my head telling me just how stupid I am and how I'm going to fail and then everyone will make fun of me.

For years this has kept me from doing much of anything.

What's the point?

If I'm only going to fail than why try at all? The evidence of this is dotted across my time line with half written stories, failed business plans, trips abroad that I haven't taken and countless other item/events that look, to me, very much like the tunguska blast event of my own life.

Married at 24...
Divorced by 25...

Start a record company at 26...
It went under by 27...

Wrote a novel and sent it is to a publisher...
It was rejected so I stopped writing...

Learn by me
Learn that this is a stupid cycle I put myself on and then - do to it being a "cycle"  - it repeats.
I set myself up for failure. Alienate myself from the people who care about me. Surround myself with people who could give a rats ass and then accept it as truth and here I am again.

I hold onto all the shitty stuff and then let it become the very definition of who I am.

But who am I?

I'm not sure I can answer that, but I know what I am not. I'm not a failure and I'm not weak and I need to stop assuming thats the only thing I will be. I need to stop caring what others, especially the "others" that aren't important, to me, think.

So, don't be me.
Don't let that stupid voice in the back of your head convince you that you're not worth it because, if you believe it, it will become true. Life really is just the perception you have of it.

And that was your daily pep-talk!
As it was mine too! NOW! It's baby time! and later... I may come on here and write again!

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