Friday, December 4, 2009
This has been one of those weeks. It started off at a panicked pace filled with over informing myself about the ins and outs of everything yoga I could possible put my hands on... the next day it turned into a cluster f**k of preparatory tasks that would, and will, ensure that I don't die of starvation in the up coming months... then I wrote a little, posted things on ebay, tweeted my butt off and had the joy of slowly getting sick.
We had to give my son a treatment again last night. This is how it played out:
I went to bed super freaking early because I just wanted to lie down and attempt to kick this stupid head cold that seems to want to create open sores on my nose...
...which is always ever so lovely...
...but then he started coughing.
My husband was going to sleep on the couch so that I could get a lot of rest, but when the coughing began it just spun out of control. See, the last time my boy had a bad coughing session at night he ended up in the ER the next morning and stayed over 24 hours. But for some reason just giving him a treatment was causing so many damn issues it ended up with me putting on my cold demure (aka bitch mode) and looking at my husband and saying, "Stop thinking and answer the question. Yes or no."
I'm not a fan of bitch mode, but sometimes I don't want to be the one making all the decisions. I just don't. Some nights, like nights when I feel like I've been dragged through the mud and than punched in the face for no reason - I kinda just wanna lay low.
Afterwards my son slept like an angel and we ended up talking about life and all those things we never talk about because we're too damn busy trying to keep our head above water, go to work, see friend, celebrate the holidays, write, eat, sh*t...
It was weird and nice all at the same time.
Not being much of a cuddler, it was a nice change of pace.
[Nice. People don't like that word. Its a mediocre word that suffices when real emotions can't seem to reach the proper levels to procure the words that would mean so much more - like extraordinary or magnificent or even rancid or sh*tty. (I don't know why I'm censoring today... just feel like censoring)]
It was nice having my husband, who is nearly a foot taller than me, wrap himself around my small frame.
I get lost so easily in everything.
This new life, business life included, that I'm shaping around me takes a lot of work and time. There are days I get up 2 hours before him and go to bed 2 hours after him. I play with my son, work on my yoga/writing and a few business ventures that I want to have up and running by March 2010.
So when it comes time for us to act married it's usually to the sounds of a clock ticking in our ears because we have to be somewhere, or do something really soon - so get the damn pants off and lets get going!
[You know... nice isn't a bad word.
It's like hot coco with extra marshmallows.
It's like warm rain on a hot and humid day.
It's what keeps all of us going until the next moment that's so nice we walk around with a smile pasted on our faces as we shop for food.]
It's very easy to say "I love you" everyday, but it's not that easy to mean it.
Especially seeing that most of us love with conditions in tow. (myself included in that)
I love the guy - I love him a lot, even if he makes me want to stand on top of the tallest mountain and pull my hair out as I'm screaming at the top of my lung about how much he pisses me off.
But it's the ying/yang of being married or in any relationship. For every perfect moment, like last night, there will be one that sucks.
For every moment that starts with coughing and frantic movements, it can end in cuddling and awesome sex. (in that order)
It's already Friday, and when I'm done on here I have to go shower, clean the house, make food for the pot luck dinner class I'm going to tonight all before I see my husband and my son for 20 minutes today.
There's always some shit there to muck up what's important.
Next time you see what's important - tell them you love them and mean it.
Everything else will be there when you're done.