Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Mercury in Retrograde - I'M WAGGING MY FIST AT YOU MISTER!!
Look up! Up in the sky! What is it? Is it a bird, a plane, a small little planet super close to the sun that I like to blame for many things that it probably doesn't effect, but hey, blames gotta go somewhere?
Yes, it IS the last one... damn you Mercury and screw you retrograde...
[for those of you unfamiliar with this - a few times a year Mercury seems to "stop moving" up there in the big old sky. It's an optical illusion, but some believe this time of planetary pausing is also a signal for the past occurrences in our lives to creep up on us like a bad case of athlete's foot.]
After my ever so classy breakdown on Sunday - you know because wagging my fist at the sky will help me achieve the goals I have in my life - I did in fact calm down. Granted, this was after I only had 3 hours of sleep and some more sever nightmares. [I'm having separation issues with my son - the dreams are a bad episode of L&O SVU - not kidding a little] But I DID calm down. After a few hours of a new type of worry - my son normally only naps about 1.5 for me in a day and yesterday he napped 5 hours [growth spurt] we played a few rousing rounds of "Chase the Baby," "Find the Mama," and then wrapped up our afternoon alone with some vegan banana bread and a half of banana that was consumed post haste whilst watching [for the 87 millionth time] Finding Nemo, his favorite.
"Yes I'm a natural blue." ~ Dori, Finding Nemo - whozaaa!
The husband came home and I passed the boy off as I threw together some homework stuff. With my beloved iPhone in tow [I should name her, yes my phones a "her"... hmm...] I headed upstairs and lock myself in our bedroom and begin checking my email.
There are some messages for me on good old Facebook. One of them from my ex-husband's sister.
Stop me if you've heard this one! [or just skip forward]
In 2001 when I left my first husband his family decided he should use our house as a bartering tool. If I STAYED I wouldn't lose the house. Now, I may be a lot of things - but it's a house and in general I've always felt that material things don't much matter. [please don't get me wrong, I still have a crazy love affair with material things - part of my heart is completely held in reserve for Miss Sixty, Oh...Deer, Guess, vintage cars, and a number of other material things - but over all I know I can do without - which I do, but that's another blog all together] but when you're in the position I was in, over all it was a clear choice.
Keep house = staying with man I don't love (2 + 2 = -27)
Leave house = find man who loves me for who I am (2 + 2 = 4)
So I left.
I left a lot of things behind.
Clothing. Favorite CDs. Books, etc.
Yes, at first it sucked, but having the knowledge I could start over, build a new life - they're just THINGS. You can't take things with you and you can buy new things over time.
Fast forward to 2010.
As of December 21st, 2009 I have been divorced for 8 years.
4,207,680 minutes... you get the picture.
I left the house and that life behind me. Very much literally. I left my job, the neighborhood, people who I called "friend" one of those people I had known for 20 years.
"What's the problem then -A? Like you said, it's been a long time! Why are they contacting you now?!"
That is a GOOD question! The problem is that they never took my name off the mortgage. The problem is that he fell behind on the payments and then the loan was sent to those big old lawyers in the sky - aka Columbus and I started getting threatening letters. The problem is that my credit is ruined and HIS problem is he's getting remarried and NOW they want my name of the loan.
So Sunday - pity party, table for one.
Monday - you really need to sign these papers.
I tell them to send them to my PO Box. They say they need them yesterday.
I point out that it's been 8 years, they can send them to my PO Box and let's be realistic, you really think I'm going to sign something that my lawyer HASN'T seen? I'm 34, no 14. I may not care 100% for all this material crap, but I have a kid and a husband and I'm not signing a piece of paper that I haven't read just because it's more convenient for you. If it was THAT important I'm sure it wouldn't have been handled correctly the first time.
But it wasn't.
As I've said before, this is my slate cleaner.
This is where I come to specifically tell my side of the story.
8 years ago I just wanted out.
I let you shit on me. I allowed you to tell people I was someone I wasn't. The ONLY thing I was, was miserable because I had married the wrong man. Yes, that sucks, but it's clearly NOT the end of the world. I just wish we could all just be grown ups and realize that sometimes situations in life are like shoes - yes, the shoe maybe cute, but if it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit.
That doesn't mean the shoe is a bad shoe
That doesn't mean that the shoe should be raked over the coals and harassed or even stalked
All that means is that the shoe wasn't right for YOUR foot
You put the shoe back
Go find a shoe that fits
Build a bridge and get the hell over it
Bully for you I say! Bully for you!
And now Mercury is in Retrograde dredging up part of my life I have no interest in looking at, well, at least that's what I'm blaming for this. I figure the real reason the fires been lit under his ass is because of the new fiance. But here's my real question... if its so important to him, why is he having his SISTER take care of it?
All I know is that I'm going to go do some homework
I'm going to sit in my little meditation corner and let this all go
And then I'm going to go eat a brownie. A delicious, delicious brownie...