Friday, February 5, 2010
Good Morning NAP TIME!
One of my favorite things in this world is this moment right now. On the days I'm home with my son, when he takes he's way to early morning nap - sometimes I nap with him, and this is a glorious thing. I crawl back into a bed that is still warm from my husbands body heat, wrap myself around a pillow that smells of him, and I doze off for an hour or two.
Today my son has decided he'd much rather play in his bed with his stuffed cat and frog, [I have named these two Farley (the cat) and Harlod (the frog), one day he can name them whatever he would like, but for now Farley and Harlod will do.] I'm lying here, on my husbands side, because that's where I sleep when he is not in the bed, with my trusty new laptop listening to him have full on conversations with these flully beings in a language all his own and all I can do is smile.
When things get all hinkey it's moments like these that bring be back to myself. Moments filled with bodyheated pillows and sheet, baby sneezes and dee dee dee's in the next room, and morning naps that used to make me anxious because - WHAT IF I MISS SOMETHING!???
There is nothing to be missed.
We make ouur lives complicated by searching for things for one reason or another and we all know it doesn't matter. Yes, there are things I'd love to aquire in this life, but over all... it's all good.
Let me repharase that... I've spent a better part of my life making my life hell because the only thing I've ever wanted was to feel accepted - which I never really have. I've skitted from one place to the next looking and at times begging for people to like me, but it never mattered because I've never liked me much. My list of complaints has always been longer than the lenght of the Nile, but admitting that to myself has been hard and still is.
Now, in my mid-30's, I try to look myself in the face and not blame myself or others for my low self-esteem. I just accept it's there and work on getting over it day after day after day. This the long process that has led me to do things like, blog open and honestly about nearly ALL things in my life, make the choice to live a yogic life, really attempt to get my writing career off the ground and not just talk about how "some day" I would like to be a writer, and realize that napping at 8:30 in the morning is not a failure, it's a gift.
And right now... I'm going to indulge.
Good morning nap - HERE I COME!