Saturday, February 20, 2010

The only time it really matters is when that voice in your head keeps you up at night. Which is terribly annoying.

In general, it just comes down to this.
I'm tired.
But we knew that now didn't we?

I say this, again, because it's just some deep down seeded need to overly explain the obvious to you, my lovely readers. I, as an insult to one of my idols [Mr. Einstein], feel the need not to heed his advice and to IN FACT do the same repetitive things over and over [more efficiently each time] in order to progressively stand as still as I possibly can.

Ah... yes. I am ever so redundant in explanations, even after the fact.

I feel myself move forward, I most ingenuously do, but I suppose it's not moving fast enough in the time line that is my life, as I would like it to...

Suddenly I sound ungrateful for things and that isn't the case. I am grateful and I do feel blessed - but when you grow tired your mind begins to turn all perverse and flippin weird....

My mind begins to cultivate slightly in the direction of a traverse psychedelic and all together mystically odd nature. [I just "don't get it" if you will]


So I'm here. I wish I was here more often and I wish I could write on a normal, more regulated basis - but there is just too many things I need to do in a very short amount of time and I feel like Dorothy and all I can hope for is that my technicolor will be just as bright as hers was - is not brighter - and that I won't spend the entire trip there grasping the walls of my dilapidated gray shack screaming for my mother.

I would surly miss out on all the swirling grays and blacks and whites and witches, and the really, where is the fun in that?

If it were easy it wouldn't be life - it would be a sitcom pilot.
If it were simple it wouldn't be me.

Tomorrow I teach my last class as a student. Then the next week I'll spend studying my little list of questions for my class this weekend. Wednesday I have a practice class with two other girls that we are to present in front of everyone with a camera pointed in our direction. Sunday I receive my certificate.

Then the void begins.

It will all work out.
It always does.
I will be fine.
I always am.
Tomorrow the sun will shine.
One step closer.

Tonight... I should go to bed
but maybe I'll just sleep right here...

sanity is for everyone else.
insanity is just so much more "funner"


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