Monday, February 22, 2010

Why is my coffee cold?

In the morning coffee should be hot and I mean HOT. It should carry the potential to burn off the first layer of skin on my upper lip, but be so delicious I don't notice because I'm sipping a cup that is the essence of pure joy.

And yes, my coffee is currently cold.

It's been a long haul and the end is in sight, not with injury though. Yes, last night I spent a better part of my evening scanning in my homework to, later, send to my teacher only to receive an email telling me that I just needed to hand it to her on Friday.

That was 3 hours well spent. In those 3 hours I could have:

- Laid on my couch and watched the PBS version of Persuasion that air last night (as I iced my hip bones - some yoga poses)
- Went to bed at a reasonable hour - like 8 or 5 even 2pm. (I wasn't even home at 2pm... blurg)
- Read more of Scott Pilgrim, Young Samurai - the way of the sword, or one of the other 326 books I'm in the process of reading right now
- Eaten 4 or 5 cans of these, even though I only have the one.
- Or even fininshed working on that pesky weather machine that I have in my basement... but no.

Here's a little something about the yoga in my life that you should know. There is rhyme and reason but it looks and smells nothing like the rhyme and reason of my past life. It snuggly fits into the more chaotic part of my psyche, which is wonderful, but after 34 years of programming, "You will do this. It will be in this order. You have twenty minutes. If you're late I will blow you up." (That was brought to you by the robot that lives in my head. Yes, tired.) After that long it's hard to accept this new form of chaos in my life and I fall back on the regiment I know and then fall out of place.

At least I think I do. My fellow classmates seem to like me and think I'm a good student. I was speaking with one of them about a project we have due this very last weekend of training, when I commented about the 3 weeks where I went back and forth on dropping out she said, "But you're the best student!" She also added that it made her feel better because if I couldn't take it... then she started sputtering on how it wasn't meant as an insult... it was a sweet back road compliment.

I don't ever see myself as those things. I'm still working on seeing my self in a happy light - I always point out the bad in me. The failure. I assume we all do this to ourselves. Mostly I don't feel this is a bad thing, I think it causes you to change and grow, but at the same time, if you get to overly critical you'll just end up wearing a straitjacket and bouncing your head off big old white padded walls...

Ohhhhh! What would life be if not a convoluted mess? It really would be quite boring would it not?

Moving on... I was looking at my "list" and my little count down clock that is positioned to the left of this lovely post today and now realize that today I will be busting even more butt to get things rolling. The writing project I'm doing should (essentially) be easy because the story already has a beginning, middle and end - but seeing that the origins are not mine, I have this hidden fear my prodigy for character banter and development may end up insulting my husband.  My gut tells me to just "go with it" and to see what comes out of it. Maybe it will be better than he hoped and if it's not - that's why there are drafts...

I thought about this a lot the other night. (the one where I slept 3 hours. 1 hour here - two hours much later). And seeing that another one of my "thangs" on that list is to listen to my gut (don't think I posted that one on my list but this is a big issues I have. I let my brain get in the way too much and let me tell you, that is the organ that gets me in trouble the most. That and my endocrine system. Wanna know what my gut is telling me now? It's telling me that joke wasn't funny. And it wonders why I don't listen to it... it's sense of humor is terrible...) anyway, when I do listen to my gut I'm a lot happier, and as laid back as I like to be. Which is pretty laid back. I'm not a fan of the harpies out there so I really don't want to be one.

My god. Is any of this making any sense?
OK, I'll give the non-commentary version here on out. (And yes, it won't nearly be as much fun.)

So I decided to start listening to my gut. All you gut listeners will agree with me when I say, this is just freaking awesome. I suddenly feel like the Medium in that show The Medium. It works out well when I stick to it. When I DON'T... I get speeding tickets, the first one in 18 years. Actually, the first speeding ticket ever. The only other ticket I've ever received was for "failure to control vehicle" - when I go, I go big.

But the gut thing seems to be going well. Most things seem to be going well... I'm still getting used to that too! LOL! Isn't it funny how we (generic we) find it easier to live in the misery we know and are at comfort with than to take that leap to find the greatness that is inside of all of us?
It's probably because we have to jump off that cliff with blind faith and pray that our wings will spread in enough time that we don't face plant on the rocks blow...

No one wants to be the bloody guy at the bottom of the pit.
Mostly because it's tacky.

I have to nap now.


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