Sunday, March 21, 2010

Afrocelt - Featuring Peter Gabriel "When You're Falling"


1,000 years ago when I left my first husband (and lost 40 lbs) I sat in my parents attic in misery. I was a failure. 25 years old and I had it all. I had a job that they wanted to "fast track" me on. I owned my own home. I was married. Three cats.... You know... the American dream. (pretty much)

I was miserable.
I hate myself.
I was drinking every night until I passed out.

So with the help from a friend, some sound advice from another friend, I left it all behind. I left my husband, I quit my job, I took my cats and I started a new life.

25 and I started over.

There was this song. "When You're Falling" by Peter Gabriel.
It came on at work and I remember standing there and just letting it sink into my very soul. I felt he wrote it for me, he was saying "Yes, it's hard. Yes, people are talking, but one day you'll be so happy that this moment won't mean a damn thing."

One day.

When you're at that moment it's hard to see into the future. It's hard to see that those dark moments are just as long as the good ones because you dwell and your skin prunes up in them until all you can do is cry and cry and cry.

One day.

This song, the Peter Gabriel song was on an album called "Afro Celt Sound - "Volume 3 - Further in Time"

No, the irony is not lost on me.
These are they lyrics:

Every day, you crawl into the night
a fallen angel, with your wings set alight
when you hit the ground, everything turns to blue
I can't get through the smoke, that's surrounding you

'cause when you're falling
I can't tell which way is down
and when you're screaming
somehow I don't hear a sound
and when you're seeing things
then your feet dont touch the ground
'cause when you're falling
I can't tell which way is down

I can see through the clouds, I can walk right through the walls
Hang me off the ceiling, but I can't take the fall
should I cross the river, when I may get swept away
out there on the water, you can still see me wave

'cause when you're falling
I can't tell which way is down
when you're falling
I can't tell which way is down

I can see all those things
My feet don't touch the ground..

'cause when you're falling
I can't tell which way is down
and when you're screaming
somehow I don't hear a sound
and when you're seeing things
then your feet don't touch the ground
'cause when you're falling
I can't tell which way is down

and when you're screaming
somehow I don't hear a sound


I'm not even sure how they applied to my life then. How they meant anything other than a reason to dance again. Hell, a reason to dance at all, because when you're there and those people who were supposed to be your friends, the ones that were in your wedding party say things they think you can't hear and your soon to be ex says its true...

You need to dance. You need to spread your wings and fly.
You need to fall. You need to scream.

Now its years later and my life isn't even a glimpse of what it was back then. I have a son that calls me papa, a husband that calls me sexy, I write every day and I'm a yoga teacher.

All things that I love - but still I get all sad and do the pity party dance. "Why me?!!"

Why? Because with out disruption you can never move forward, if life never changed... who wants that?

This is that time, this is that "one day" and while I get frustrated and sad at times I know this. I know I'm lucky and I also know that 9 years later, when I hear "When You're Falling" it still makes me want to dance.

And you know what? I think I'm going to!
nite

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