Sunday, March 14, 2010

Just remember that you shouldn't be grabbing at the roses... just smelling them

Going out and catching up with old friends is always a fun time.
However, the hang over the next day is not.

But you do what you have to do, right? Having friendships is an important part of life - but sometimes I feel like I try to hard... even when I know I don't.

...

I was going to write a "Letter to No One" but, and I'm assuming this is the adverse affect of bad beer and very little sleep (I'm feeling a bit sappy and depressed) but I decided can't write it, because I'm not getting all humorous as I would like.

Instead I'm just crying into my Wheaties.

I supposed the past year I've dedicated to finding closure in various parts of my life could never be an obtainable goal. It would make me inhuman if I didn't have some sort of string or baggage following me around like a big old monkey on my back...

What it comes down to is that with certain people I openly allow myself to be misled - its not one of my favorite traits, but it is part of me. I see these people and think of a time so long ago it may have never really existed and I yearn for it again - but some friendships are just doomed from the beginning and then I throw my hat in and say that I feel this way because I've always been the one in control of my life.

And when you're the dumpee and not the dumper... its just old story.

As they say, time heals all wounds, but for some reason I always feel the need to pick at the scab of this one, just to make extra sure that it never heals right and when if finally does - I'll have a big honking scare that will be there to remind me of how I should be on guard - at all times.

Even when I don't want to.
Even though I think I shouldn't be that person.
How can you life a full life if you keep putting up walls and gates?

So yes, my drunken debauchery was filled with momentary laps of reasonable fun that I hoped would lead to more fortuitous momentary lapses but now I'm sit with a half written Letter to Someone I'll never give it to them, a tottering feeling in my belly that is taking over and this need to go eat a bunch of chocolates before I dry off my Wheaties...

Back to meditating and writing.
I like them.
I love them.

good night.

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