On days I'm not very sure about most things, and I'm fairly certain that I'll never be sure about everything.
At least all at once.
This week has been a trail of so much.
It's been a test to every part of me.
Starting this new phase of my life I knew that it would be an up hill battle. I knew that it wouldn't be easy. But some days are better than the others and today I'm tired and worn out. Today I want to cry.
My body hurts. My period is missing. My mind is all over. No one has showed up for any of my classes.
It'll come. It's a process. This I know.
Still doesn't make it any easier.
I ate some bad food the other night and then went to bed. Fast, shitty, food is not my friend. It wasn't my friend when I ate meat and dairy - it really not my friend now. So I had night mares that people showed up to my class tonight and then they all abandoned me 15 minutes in. That terror turned into me becoming pregnant (which I'm not) and I cried and cried and cried.
This girl needs some therapy! SHOE therapy... damn. no. the real kind. crap.
But speaking of which, this next Thursday I'm going to a body worker to find out where it all went wrong. She is a talented woman who can look at your body and tell you what is so wacked out that you're not leaning to the left. (I'm now leaning to the left) I'm assuming it's a compounded mess that is the end result of years of back problems and poor posture.
I'm sure I'll update you on it.
This too will pass. But before it does - this cloud of emotional doom just makes me shudder and whimper to myself.
At least tomorrow is spring.
Soon... ohhh... soon.
And - Om shrim maha lakshmiyei swaha