Wednesday, April 28, 2010

svaha

For some reason it still doesn't matter. Most everyone I can brush off. From the man in the stupid over sized Hummer that he just had to have to family members who still buy me gifts that I stopped liking 17 years ago.

I just say "svaha" and I let it go. (what does that mean? "so be it." or more to todays standards "whatever!")

But there are a slim few that get my mother fraking goat and I can svaha until I'm blue in the face - the anger is still there. AND DRIVING ME BONKERS!

~sigh~

This constant back and fort in certain situations is nothing more than a piece of paper being folded back and forth on the same line. Back and forth until the fibers are so broken down a small tug just pulls it into two.
No one wants to be pulled into two over something that is aggravating and annoying.

It pulls me from my goals and then I sit here and ramble in my bed about the utter frustration I'm in over a situation that will never do more than stagnate in the back of my head - rotting like a dead corpse and bringing with it all the joys that come with the carrion that sits in the metaphorical living room of my mind.

Fruition will never occur
Only the middle section of Ground Hogs Day
With out all the piano lessons

In life we meet the people we meet when we're supposed to. I believe that. I've believed that for many years longer than I've been into yoga. I believe in reincarnation, I know this isn't everyones cup of tea but it's just one of those things that fit perfectly into my life. I believe in karma and purpose and intention and hope - I even try to have faith.

But its hard.

It's so ever loving beyond formidable I merely would like to lock myself in my closet for about a week and do nothing but devour bar after bar after bar of the dark newman's organic (rain forest safe) chocolate bars I miss so much.

I've figure out most things.
I've figured out most people. People are easy - most people are scared, lonely, tired, hungry, all of those things. They just need a ear, someone to say "You're doing great!" or even a beer here and there  and it's great, because then they usually do the same for you - but every once in a while... BLURG

I asked the Universe for a sign earlier today - I received one that had nothing to do with my question.
Does that mean it had everything to do with my question? I DON'T KNOW!

I will use the word "chump" in relation to myself at this moment.
34 years I have "gone with the flow" of life and enjoyed most minutes of it. Like my beliefs, no it's not for everyone, but it suits me just fine. Mind your Ps and Qs - be polite - keep your word and most of all have fun.

I always say "you ask for advice when you know the answer but want someone else to tell you it's okay to not listen to that voice in your head." - I should take my own advice.

Now I feel calmer and I feel I'm going to svaha my way into sleep.
I only wrote two pages today but tomorrow is another story.
I hope that story is nicer than the one playing in my head right now...

good night.



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