Saturday, May 1, 2010
Dear Diary, ANSWER ME ALREADY!!
Dear Diary -
At some point I need to come to that crossroads and not spend two weeks attempting to weigh and figure out which road I should take. I need to be able to start thinking on my toes, being able to move forward without compulsively over thinking everything that could or could not happen on these road.
Basically I need to buck up. (as in "buck up little camper, well beat the slope together)
I talk a big game and pray I reach the exit before anyone realizes that I'm full of it (from my head down to my toes) and it's not that I do it vainly in some thick-witted manor, attempting to ruin those around me with misguided opinions and statements. When I speak it's from my heart.
The the next day I'm back at my crossroads again discussing (with myself) the finer points of my obsessive compulsive need to analyze life down to the very little letter "a". It's annoying.
So tell me, diary, what am I to do?
I've tried time and time again to shut my big mouth, but sometimes I just open the damn thing and my reenactment of a verbal Niagara Falls wows and astounds even the smallest child.
Yes, my kryptonite is word vomit - I am my own worse enemy.
I've spent a long portion of my life making excuses for myself thus allowing this issues to persist. In reality I'm sure I'm not as bad as I think I am, but sometimes I still don't agree with that fact and I question every person that hangs out with me. I want to look at them and say, "I'm loud and crass. I swear like a sailor and smoke. I forget things - like your name - all the time."
"but you're sweet"
I like to think I am. Maybe I should learn to trust a little bit more. Yes, I think I should.
So, diary, you must have some sort of infinite wisdom, for people have been writing to you for centuries. From Anne Frank to Harry Truman. I've concluded you must be some sort of wise sage filled with endless answers and immeasurable bits of guidance. Now tell me... which way do I go?
I smile more days than I don't and I haven't cried in a long while.
Oh I don't know diary. Maybe you'll answer me in my dreams... or maybe I just need sleep. Either way. Good night.