I have this box of "writing promos" I bought over a decade ago. Back when I worked in a book store I would impetuously buy things like this hoping that it would one day inspire me to become a writer.
Seeing that I AM a writer, I suppose I should have been looking for more content inspiration than anything else.
But this box is about writing your autobiography.
There this little book inside that has questions like:
Where were you born? What have you heard about this date? Describe your father. Do you have siblings? Where you raised religious? and on and on.... then it has these cards that are titled "REMEMBER" "DISCOVER" "DRAMATIZE" "STRUCTURE" -
All of this is there for you to write a kick ass autobiography for all the world to see!
Ah! Here is one: Remember someone or something you pursued with a passion....
Hmmm... we don't like to remember do we? Unless it's something belong totally bitching rad. (wicked)
I've pursued many things in my life with a passion but the one that I remember the most is the one that I didn't succeed in. That is how I work. I'm terribly negative and I hold on to all those small things that I hate because it perfection is the key.
The key to what I'm not completely sure, but I know it's the key!
I'm not even sure what that means. All I know is that I'm the one that has always done the chasing in my relationships and in other aspects of my life. I'm not sure if there have been people outside of the select few I've date for longer periods of time (which means over a year) that were ever really interested in me.
This is just something I've noticed about my life over the past year.
When I want something (or someone) and I mean the wanting that burns down in your soul, I get it. I have always, I will always. But now, with this realization that I'm all game and never looking around I find that I'm slightly sad because, you know what? I wish I had been pursued.
My husband and I just kind of happened. I mean that in a good way. We were both coming off bad breakups so, in between crying and ice cream (cuz back then I could eat ice cream) we just became the early stages of what we are today.
Outside of that... I really just would have been nice that one time the guy came after me. Kissed me first. Asked me out first.
I'm head strong or whatever you want to label it and I know that this moment will pass and I'll go on with my life and la tea da.... whatever, but I think there will always be a part of me that wishes I could have just seen around me or maybe I wish there would have been some guy that was willing to deal with my limited view, but they wanted to sweep me off my feet so much they didn't care.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy where I am.
This is just a girlie thing, like miniature ponies, and pink hats.
That is the very reason all these romantic movies always do so well. Every girl wants romance. Flowers. Candies. A secret admirer.
I think I should sell this box of "autobiography" flash cards to the local Half Price Books and let it burden some other person with what ifs and should have beens.
Time to sing myself to sleep with sweet dreams...