Sunday, October 3, 2010
I need money to buy music! I NEED MONEY! But who doesn't in this economy?
His music is wonderful. It's honest, I think that's what I'm liking the most. A lot of times people get caught up in metaphor and simile and don't realize the easiest thing is just to say it out loud.
I MASSIVELY include myself in that mix.
I realize that indie music isn't what all people want in their lives and that some seem to think it's "chick" music, which is fine - more for me. But I think, regardless of the genre of music you like or even love, finding someone that can move you, make you scream, or whatever - is a hard thing.
Anyway, I'm so far behind on writing, but I can't let that stop me now can I? I've made it this far, now it's time to get to the finish line. I'm almost done with chapter 8 and tomorrow I'm moving on to 9 - I don't care if 8 needs more work, I can't stay there or I'll never move forward and isn't that the point of life? To keep moving...it's so much harder than you would think it is. Moving forward, moving on, letting go.
Our past has moments in it that are like plaque in our arteries. It is hidden in a way you don't see it day to day, but it's blocking off the flow to our source. I think I have all of my plaque cleared out and then I find the ones I care about the most are harboring plaque for me - offering it to me when I think my artery is good and clean.
I don't care for this.
Life isn't a game. It isn't a base for revenge. It isn't something given to us so we can think we are better thank others or to harbor things to use as leverage or to throw back in someones face. That's not life. That's an episode of a CW show. That's a bad "tween" movie. But it's not life.
Know where you came from.
Look to where you want to be.
Smile and love this life you have - because it's a gift. That person, or those people you love.
You're favorite pizza.
Don't look at all the bad crap. Don't hold grudges. Don't blame other people for what is - blame is as bad as games. It's solves nothing - it's a distraction.
If something bad comes to you realize there is something to learn, you're never alone - if you're lonely, stop to open that door you never meant to close. Understand that the reason is to make you strong for you, for them, for the world...
I woke up grumpy.
I sat in my sorrows like barfly sits in his booze. It drenched my body - consuming me until the sad grumpiness turned into anger and all I did was sit pointing fingers looking for someone to blame, because this mood, this feeling, can't be my fault.
Nothing is my fault.
Nothing was ever my fault.
The cosmos was intended to open - parting wide like the red sea and everything I had ever dreamed would come sailing down to the earth at my feet and that was all.
It was my fault - my reckless abandoned attempt at life. Drawing people to me than shoving them away like lepers. Saying I loved them, but never lifting a finger to help. Knowing I could, but simply was to lazy.
Then they all left and I shut my door, better for it. Better for being right all the time...
What is life? It just is. And it is important. You are important. We are all important.
No one is right all the time. No one is better than then someone else. We just are.
So all we can do is let go of the baggage and move forward. All we can do is celebrate the small victories, cry at the tragedies - when we're sure that's what they are. Love with every part of you.
And just be.
Because life is short and you can never judge a book by it's cover - if you do... bully for you, but no - not really. Because then you may see Chris Mansfield and think he's not the guy behind Fences.