Monday, December 13, 2010

Oh time, how you hate me.

I'm having one of those days where I should be doing about 100 other things but my mind is being drawn in the wrong - very nonproductive - other direction.

What does that mean?

It means that I've come here to run away and hide from thoughts I wish not to have and responsibilities that will be there when I'm done with this (and when my pizza comes out of the oven in 8 minutes)

Life is rather easy. Honestly it is - but there are times when I just get so wrapped up inside my head that the only thing I want to do is eat, cry, sleep and then eat some more. Seeing that I have no food in the house the eating is out and that I run with a wild two year old - crying and sleeping are things that need to be scheduled in. Don't get me wrong - I'm not some overly depressed waif humming and hawing over the trivialities of life, its just sometimes I feel like I can't do all that needs to be done and I kinda lose it.

But who doesn't?

When it snows like it has been and all of those convoluted feelings seem to become even more pressed into me... well it's not pretty. Not even a little.

So what the hell is the purpose of this whole thing? This LIFE we all cling to day in and out? Why do we hold onto people we no longer associate with and let their memories hurt us? Why do we insist we need to "reward" ourselves with foods treats that we know will only hurt us over time?

Why do we have to be so damn human?

Humanity is the bitter pill - just in general and over all. Humanity is the reason we are what we are and we do what we do, because we're all prone to fuck up.

It's okay.

These are the things I tell myself when I'm feeling less than accomplished at the end of the day, but I know in my heart it will get done. I think the thing that has been bothering me the most is that I haven't had time to write. Between work, packing, starting a business, my son and husband my book has taken back seat and it makes me very, very sad.

One more day, right? One more day closer to being able to finish it... one more day till I get to see my five little fictional friends again and determine what will happen in their lives next...

The pizza is calling.

talk soon
-A


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