You would probably be surprised to find out how often I come on here to write. Even last night I started laying down some Times Roman font and then decided I hated the content and just deleted the whole post.
Why do I do that?
Sometimes it's hard for me to think what I'm saying is of any interest to anyone at all. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but lately with my interests being pulled into 4 different directions I'm feeling a bit schizophrenic. Don't get me wrong, I love my vegan tree hugging, yoga teaching, sci/fi fantasy writing, mother cooking, cleaning and bill paying life (did I mention zombie killing? It's a family thing) - but zoning in on a topic that would qualify as an adventure... I'm starting to think I should chance the name of this blog....
THE QUITE LIFE OF A MIDDLE AGED HOUSE WIFE?
Perhaps? Hm...? Maybe I'll stick with the subdued adventures of my life and spin yarn about my indefinite visits to the Dental School as the student dentists dive into my teeth issues whilst chanting "EXTRA CREDIT! EXTRA CREDIT!" Or maybe I can slather a layer of vegan butter all over your screen as I expand on my obsession of eating right AND eating vegan!?
I've got it! The adventure of a zombie killing working mom that teaches chair yoga to a Great-Great Grandmother! "Oh no. There are no men in my life honey. They just cause problems. The only man in my life now is Jesus." or "Oh, I left my teeth up stairs. It seems when I laugh to hard they shoot out of my mouth. Happened just the other day! Lucky for me the fella sitting next to me caught them."
I think the problem is that I THINK too much.
I didn't start this blog in the vein of no nonsense news or becoming the next Martha Stewart. I didn't start this blog for any reason but to write. In general this is my online journal. My personal insights about life and how it is exactly what I expected it to be and how it's nothing like I expected to be all in the exact same moment.
So why am I stressing over content that is my personal thoughts, beliefs, and the misgivings of my humanity? Honestly, I can't answer that.
I think to much.
I assume to much.
I assume judgment is being past - but how will I ever know that?
Maybe I really AM crazy?! YES!
no... I'm normal... sadly and boring and normal.
Life moves so fast and there is so much I want to do. So many things I don't want to leave behind. I still have to see Nepal, and sun bathe in the south of France. I still need to get my pilots licenses and bake the perfect pumpkin pie (vegan of course) and I still need to finish my books, get students into my classes, book more bands for March, get the money to move to L.A.... stop looking at my life like this because suddenly it's just daunting and nearly unachievable...
ONE DAY AT A TIME! ONE ADVENTURE A WEEK! AND ONE DAY I'LL HAVE REACHED ALL OF MY GOALS... One day I'll be the 82 year old woman saying things like, "I have a 6 month old great-great grandbaby and he was here on my birthday." Until then I guess all I can do is have a little faith in myself. Stop deleting posts. Figure out how to get more students into my class and most of all stop the zombie infestation.
Because cannibalism isn't foie gras at least not until the Walden's tell us it is.