Sunday, January 16, 2011

getting out of bed

I woke up this morning coming off a dream that I don't remember. I know that it was vivid, because they always are, some so vivid that when I do remember them I, at times, have issues deciphering between the dreams and reality.
I had a nightmare a few nights ago. There was an evil spirit caught in my throat choking the life out of me. I was given instruction on how to lure the spirit out and told I had to stab it in the eye - but I fail and then my guide was gone, so I knew I was going to die.
I forced myself awake.
Now it doesn't sound that bad, but at the time it made me not want to ever sleep again...

But this morning, when I woke after my latest weird dream, I woke knowing today had to be that day to move forward because if it wasn't I would be dangerously close to sequestering myself into my bed. Chaining myself to the wooden frame, body pressed into the mattress with covers pulled high above my head. Yes, this is my traditional style of defeat. I hide in bed and I avoid pesky things like food and friends. All they do is pull me away from the solitary confinement I feel I deserve.

Its my favorite place to weather the storms that invade my life, tearing across the different planes I'm on, up rooting up everything I can see. Setting fire to the reality I have committed myself to.

My bed.

But I didn't do it this time. I got out of bed.

I know now, and I accept now, that my life will continue to ebb and flow around this world and change the perception I have of it over and over again. This world that contorts until every moment is the moment you're coming off another dream.

I don't think I knew what I was signing on for when I made the decision to be here.
I would just like a few years of easy, followed by a few years of plain and simple, and finished off with nice and dandy. Yes. Not to have to scramble for the tattered strings as it all unravels.

"And there will come a time you'll see. With no more tears and loves will not break your heart but dismiss your fears get over your hill and see what you find there with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."

What is life? It is nothing more then coming off one moment to fall into the next. What you remember and what you fill your heart, mind and soul with should be that moment you tripped into, but still we find ourselves in chains, shackled to the past. When you finally break free of those perceptions and the notions those things were the only things ever worth having, you accept the fall into the next great beyond and only then can you smile - as long as the storm doesn't drive you back into your bed.

Yes. The storms
The loud thunder filled messy storms that bring hail and driving rain... but sometimes the rain is soft.
Sometimes the storm just washes away those chains, those shackles that bind you to the past and brings you closer to the next you that you are dying to meet.

Sometimes they make you never want to be in your bed again, because if you have the dream you don't need to dream... But I like to dream. I like to mover forward. I like to find the oddities in this world and embrace them as my life. Even in the bad moments.

Even when I don't want to get out of bed.

especially then... with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.


2 comments:

  1. Personally, I'm very glad you got out of bed to write this post. It's a wonderful dose of commiseration for the rest of us and also a jab of encouragement. Enjoy your day!

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