I'm sitting here at 10 on a snowy Saturday night making up my play list for my Rock 'n Roll Yoga class on Monday. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't over thinking this... I am.
I dream about it. I sweat about it. I've been going to classes or practicing at home for the last 5 days straight... just to keep my game up!
I have my copies made and my mats. I have... me! So tonight I'm working on my play list... what songs will I play. I know I want to open with the Stones "You can't always get what you want" (it's always good to let the people know they have no choice in this matter) and I want to end with Mumford & Sons, "Awake My Soul" - that give me what? 5 minutes of music - so I sit here filling in the middle not sure where this will take me. So I add a dash of Pixies, "Here comes your man", a pinch of the Clash "I'm not Down", the Who, "I'm Free" - I even have David Bowie "Modern Love" & the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs with "Pins" which is an old favorite of mine.
Seriously, that song just makes me nostalgic for the days I used to live in the bar I will be teaching in... it's the irony I love...
Then I added more Stones (because I love them) with Gimme Shelter (I have Egypt on the brain - which also explains 'I'm not down' & 'I'm free')... and then I did it... I went there to that very special place in my heart and I don't care because there is just so much love that I had to put some Rancid in and not just once, but twice. Yep. Started with "Life Won't Wait" and then "Roots the Radicals" and my fear is gone.
You know what music is? It's a crutch. It's that voice you need to hear at that EXACT moment that makes you KNOW in your heart you will be just fine. When I hear Rancid. When I hear the Stones. When I hear the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs I know I'll be fine and I can do anything because I have these things - these songs - these feeling - these words to let me know that I'm not alone.
That is what we love about music isn't it? We sit alone and listen to someone else tell us just how we're feeling and our hearts bleed and we know in our soul that we're all connected.
I would die without it.
I was in a yoga class earlier today and the teacher had us in child's pose. My head was pressed into the mat and my body was all in a ball. My mat was about five feet from the back door of the studio and a faint draft was brushing up against me. People see yoga and think it's about the exercise only.
People hear music and think it's about so many things... the two are connected for me because both of these things make me feel more alive than so many other things ever could.
Yes - its the same argument I have each and every day with myself - how can I choose between yoga, music, writing, and food - I have passion for these things because they really do define who I am. They are art. They are how I finally became the artist I wanted to be as a child. Some paint with a brush, but my strokes are filled with melodies, flavors, movements and punctuations.
I love these things because the are life, and only a fool would want to be alive and not love life! Right?!
Music has alleviate my fear of Monday and it has shown me the one thing I really do have to give up and trying to decide what to give it. I am who I am and that person is made up of music, words, food and yoga.
Right now I'm listening to "Devil's Dance Floor" - Flogging Molly! Ahh... its like the perfect stretch...
I have to go dance.
I hope you are well!