Friday, March 4, 2011

I give up

I have to admit, I gave up a long time ago.
I realized that by spending all my time trying to be in the right group with the right people I was suffocating myself and dying a slow agonizing death.
Yes, I'm sure that sounds a bit over dramatic, but sometimes drama is what churns the water and allows us to pass though the stale pool we've been trapped in for so long.
Sitting back and looking at life, at what was, what is and what will be, will make you think - no, it should make you think and realize and embrace who you are at this moment.
Yes, I gave up a long time ago, but I gave up on the cookie cutter life that included a "secure" job with insurance - these are nice things but the reality is there is nothing secure about life anyway so all you're really doing is compromising who you are, inside, to be who you think everyone feels you should be... and having a completely boring time while you're doing it. Or a frustrating one. Or just at terrible one where you morph into someone - or something - that you are not.
Sometimes giving up is just what we need to do...
Sometimes feeling nostalgic isn't the best idea, because sometimes when you decided to try to "reconnect" you are met with more resentment then the one you left - and it treats you like crap because it feels betrayed.

That's fine.
Everyone is entitled to their own emotional distress and chaos - but you have to realize that doing the right thing for you may not have been the right thing for them and those people, the ones from before, may hold a bit of resentment towards you.

So yes, I've given up. I've given up on accepting that everything is my fault, because the honest truth is that everything isn't about me and sometimes the blame falls else where and sometimes the words are just a reflection of the person talking... not you at all.

I've given up on being a shallow callous person that does nothing but gossip.
I've given up on ignoring that I'm unhappy.
I've given up on pretending that I'm something that I'm not and in turn I've learned to kind of like me.

Weird. Crazy. Me.

And she's not that half bad.

“Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.”

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