Monday, April 4, 2011

great writing

It's been mere hours since I've been here - at least that's how it feels seeing that two months ago blogging twice a month seemed painful. Yes, I have other obligations and today is no different. A meeting this morning and a evening out lined up with an old friend, my limited time is filled with other things leaving me almost no time to do what I need to do.

You know what? That's a lie. I need to eat, I need to brush my teeth, and I need to sleep - I don't need to do some of the things I do, but I do them just the same.

I don't need to watch TV, but I sat on my butt last night watching the last season of Secret Diary of a Call Girl and why? Because of free Showtime. I like to look at it like a gift from the vacation gods. And now that I've seen the entire season I can be productive again... maybe.

Regardless, I now have another problem.
Have you ever had one of those weeks where someone from your past keeps popping up? This keeps happening to me. A person I haven't seen in ages and probably haven't thought of in debts even longer - but there it is. Odd little nagging signs dancing around me - even to the point I heard a song we used to laugh about today, the songs from the late 1930's, not something that just pops up on the old radio... yet there it was.

I would ask you what you think, but the truth is I'm not going to touch this. I had very solid reasons for ending the friendship and don't feel that could have changed. It's the old story about a person who is good at heart but you are like oil and water - you just don't mix - you com-bust....
I think the reason its standing out so much is because a student lent me a book he was reading about coincidence and it's riddled with situations just like this one. Nagging feeling, odd moments - really old songs playing at Starbucks...

Our lives, our time on this planet is very limited and the older I get the more I look around and question things. I see the boundaries that were set for me, some by me, and I have problems with the stagnate little cube that is surrounding me. I believe in magic more now than I did when I was a child - infinitely more. I believe that there is more and we can do more if only we open ourselves up to the possibilities that we can't and don't know all that there is to know.

So the little markers that are lining my path irk me and a part of me wonders if it's something I should examine... this makes it even harder to ignore. What if they need me... well I guess they would call now wouldn't they? HA!

At the end of the day - as I sit here and stare at this screen, which I do almost every single day of my life, it comes down to a few things. I need to eat (like I said) and I need to take care of my son, and I need to write or I'll shrivel up and die - but I also need to accept that even though I may have become emotionally attached to someone - walking away, and staying away, is for the best.

Plus it give me something to write about when I don't really feel like discuss the packing and planning and all the terrible emotions that are surging through my brain and chest most days... yes... memories. They make you who you are, they hold you back from who you can be and they make for great writing...

they really, really do...


2 comments:

  1. I found it comforting to read about someone else regretting a past oil & water friendship that was under the bridge. It does give us perspective and it's also hard to describe. Though I don't believe in magic, I also over the years do not believe in luck, or chance. meaning it seems some things were meant to be, even if they were not good, we grow past the bramble patch, and if it wasn't there, we wouldn't have grown as much as we did, or something like that.

    nice post, thanks for sharing.

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  2. Beautiful comment and yes, that is very true. Sometimes its the hard moments that make us stop and realize that we're worth more than we give ourselves credit.

    and thank you for reading :)

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