Saturday, April 9, 2011

Hello world! IT'S ARYN!

I had many adventures today. Many in this past week to be very honest!

First, I had the chance to get nice and caught up on my very favorite Showtimes shows I no longer get to see since I cancelled Showtime..

Second, I had my ass kicked by a toddler. FUN!

Third, I went to a women's empowerment workshop - and to be frank I didn't realize that's what it was until I got and I have to say it was very cool!

And then today I woke up and said "HELLO WORLD!!" as I strapped my chuck taylors on, packed up the kid and made my way into the wild, wild world! I've bought healthy, organic and vegan foods! I have made fliers and passed out a slew! I have been down slides (one of them several times!) and I have swung on swings! I. AM. TIRED!

Today I spent my day with my son.
Now, I know I'm with my boy a lot - but today was extra cool. I have this awesome image in my head as we swung back and forth - him in my lap looking up at me, laying on me... it was perfect.

I feel bad, because my vacation went from the idea of a relaxing time to be organizing a 5 day event to raise money for Animals, and I only have myself to hold accountable. I don't want to say blame, because I feel the event is a good thing - but my week off wasn't a vacation - not in the traditional sense at least.

I've learn a lot about myself this week. What I'm willing to do, the things I'm willing to give up to get to the things I want to do - and then the workshop just kind of drove it all home. You see, I spend a lot of time telling myself I suck. I'm not pretty enough, I'm sure as hell not SMART enough, I'm a terrible writer, mother, and wife - hell - being my friend is actually a burden more than anything... On top of that, as punishment because I do suck so much, I don't speak my mind because I deserve to be treated poorly. And I deserve to let people walk all over me or tell me my views are wrong, because, inherently, I'm bad.

Yes. I spend time on here telling you how I need to find time to write more, but the truth is when I find the time I spend it telling myself how no ones going to care about my stupid book - so then I don't write, because whats the point.

And now - her is the new me.

Do you know why I write? Because I love to write. I'm good at it.
Do you know why people will read my book? Because it's a great story.
Do you know why I'm a yoga teacher? Because I was born to be one and I believe I was in my last life too. I've ALWAYS believed in past lives, since as long as I have a memory.

I come on here to lie to you.
I live my life to lie to me.

I lie to everyone, because when I'm not honest about who I am, I'm a liar.

And I'm done.

I'm not sure of the moment I decided I wasn't worthy of being alive, but I can tell you this is the moment I say I AM worthy and thats WHY I'm alive.

Whatever your faith may be - believe in yourself.

Go out - hand out flyers, paint a master piece, write a sonnet or a rock oprea - what ever it is you've always wanted to do but then list 10,000 excuses as to why you can't - GET OFF YOUR COUCH AND GO DO IT!

You deserve it.

You're worth it.

And so am I..

I need pancakes now, gluten free or not, I will eat them all!