Too many thoughts any more. My head is swimming and I feel the revolution erupting just behind my ears. It's a faint noise that sounds like my voice, it's nagging, and nagging, and nagging at me about this and that - a few other things I care to ignore... it's the first shot fired that pulls my attention, and I focus on the chaos within.
You, the whole you inside and out - physical and mental - vanity versus spirituality - they are you and you are in control of them... until you are not. Until the revolution and chaos ensues.
My mind rattles on and on pecking at the other side of me and I sit divide submerged in the noise of my over stimulated mind attempting to make sense of too many things all at once. Yes - I am out of control... I am simply and earnestly lost.
There are moments when I look around to find myself not alone, I feel like I've woken from some fog, unable to explain how I've arrived. The numbers, situation, worry, scenarios, life - the loud and utterly confused disarray pushes me to realize the very truth is that I AM OUT OF CONTROL!
How can one be in control when they can not control themselves? When they are unable to be decisive in the easiest of situations? How can one be in control when their focus is so scattered, jumping from one thought to the next like a bee to pollen in sweltering heat?
This too is simple - you can't be. Nothing can or will be accomplished while the revolution is in full swing. Nothing of value.
The thoughts drive me mad as the rational side of my brain coos me to subdue.
"Hush there. Hush, hush, hush... it will all be just fine. It will be just fine..."
A cloak of calm helps me relinquish to the rational idea that the voices are only mine, wired on caffeine and set on repeat... "hush, hush little one. you are safe. you are fine..."
Yes. Hush, hush... mmm... finally then I can dream.