Thursday, June 30, 2011

And then its 3am and all hell breaks loose...

It's official. I'm "there". You know...that spot in the middle of the stress storm of life that claims you body and soul... At 3am I wake nearly every single night for no reason at all and then fall into a panic attack.

The monsters under my bed must be scratching harder than ever these days. The shrill noise of their talons dragging across the wooden floor boards bleeding into my less than restful sleep, pushing me awake so I can become consumed with assumptions, uncertainties and -$$$...
I move to the bathroom, assuming sole responsibility for these episodes. Visions of lesson plans, music lists, marketing, editing, web-design, book trailers, packing, throwing things away, fundraising, working, driving, new car, new everything!... my stomach is in knots... my stomach is always in knots.

I broke down and bought a bottle of generic pepto. It's the first time in 2 years that I've needed anti-acid... "SOOTHE"... It did its job so far. I should have more before I work - no need to get all crampy while I try to help my students to relax.

Yup. That's where I'm at. Our office is half packed. The attic is underway, same with the basement and the rest of the house. Tomorrow I'm tackling the kitchen. Emptying out cabinets as my son gets angrier at me for not paying attention to him. "It's always the mama..." yup kiddo... stuck with me.

In my head, in moments when I'm not moving (You know... they call it the "restroom" for a reason.) I dream of a cabin in the woods and no one but me, my yoga mat and my computer. No internet. Nothing but me. Alone.

OK - this was a fun break! I'm back at it. And tonight... valerina root


  1. some of us watching you ready for this big move admire you for it. . . you're bravery and willingness to take on the world.

    Sleep is overrated.

    Have at it.


  2. Thank you for the vote of confidence and the kind words. Tonight I hope to sleep. Just a few hours and tomorrow I'm going to a carnival! lol. Ah... summer...