Friday, June 24, 2011

too fast... TOO FAST!

Then one day you get to this point of your life where 11 pm looks like 4am used to look and you're not really sure when it happened. Yes, it's not a bad thing - it's just a surprising thing. Time moves quickly, but sometimes faster than you can even absorb...

I don't know exactly what I thought life would be like but it's not this. That is to say I love where I'm at and I'm excited for this change but never would have believed it years ago. That's good. That means I'm growing and changing... now lets discuss the dry mouth I've had for the last 2 nights.

Seriously though... life is very simple, we just muck it up. When people tell me life isn't easy I don't respond. It is, but making the decisions that need to be made in order to keep it simple, well, that's hard.

Today I had a lovely moment where I was able to look outside of myself. I had a realization that if I were my friend I would look at me and tell me to stop being an ass that sets herself up to be let down. It's very easy to hand out advice to your friends, family, students, but it's so hard to embrace it on our own. We become attacked to ideas, things, people and hold on so tightly out of fear if we let go we'll lose what we NEED to have, but it's just fear. It's the fear that we won't feel again what we felt with that thing or at that time.

Once I started dishing the advice to myself I came up with an analogy... Imaging holding onto a pillow, that's the thing you're holding onto out of fear of hurt, failure, pain - and then imagine ten other pillows being tossed to you. Opportunities. New dreams. Better things. But you can't catch it because your hands are filled.

I can't catch the new things coming at me because I'm too busy, with clenched fists, holding onto something that needs to be tossed aside... by holding on I've given myself poor sleep, anger, frustration - by letting go... ENDLESS possibilities...

I sit here tired, eyes flickering to the clock every few words waiting to see that it must be much later - but realizing it's not and realizing that sooner or later I'll have no choice because life will tear things from me one way or the other. So I can let go - keep it simple - or I can hold on and suffer...

Life really is simple
Letting go so you can life it... that is what sucks

good night beautiful people. I'm sending you love.

sweet dreams

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