Practicing faith and patience is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. I don't think I realized how controlled I've kept my life, even the moments where I let myself run rampant across the plains of life screaming and running and being silly.
I tell my students that faith is the one thing you need the most when it's hardest to hold on to.
At 3am, oh 3am how you're back to haunt me, faith is me pleading with the ceiling and praying to anyone and everyone and then apologizing for my pleas of help and the want of relief. This uncertainty is so difficult. I want to take the easy way out - SO BAD - because there is an easy way, but I'm the only one that wants to take that path. Sharing this adventure... yes, this is a shared adventure filled with peril and pits of pythons. Indiana Jones has nothing on us this time around.
No my dress may not be as glamours as Marianne's but it's pretty enough and I may not be able to drink mongols under the bar, but I can hold my own and my husband may not have a fedora but let me tell you - our Short Round is adorable.
The stress is begining to take it's toll. Ah... beginning is probably not the truth. I'm just not sure how much more of this I can take. Things being shut off, our funds are low and I just don't have answers.
Like I said - faith.
I have no answers and I don't know how to make this better any longer. All I can do is pray and that's what I do. I pray longer and harder than I ever have in my entire life and I'm not even sure I deserve to have my prayers answered, even though I hope that I do.
We're just over a month out and I don't even have the container booked to pack up our house.
The people who were supposed to drive out with us to help with the cost are saying they can't.
The house hasn't sold.
My classes are dwindling...
I believe in miracles, I do. I do.