Sunday, September 25, 2011

And let it begin...

In 25 days I will be on the road heading towards Dayton. At this point I'll probably just outside of Columbus getting ready to head west.

The count down has been ticking in my head for a long time, but today it sounds like a boot kicking the side of an empty metal trash can. The reverb hums in my ears as each second passes leading to the next, boom, boom, boom...

Physically, I'm on my way out. I sleep less and less every night. It's not due to lack of weariness, but I wake halfway through the night and a litany of things flood my brain.
It's not like before, when I would obsess over $$ and jobs, now it's a list of what I need to pack, what I need to sell/give away, what am I going to do with my cat?? And then I'm awake... wide awake...

Each day is one step closer to moving forward with the next chapter of our lives, just as each day is a step away from our past here in this town, in these bars, in this life - in Cleveland. Most of the days (now) I merely keep my eyes on the next chapter. The past is over and it is what it is, or was what it was - but tomorrow is fresh an new.

But there are times, when things... when people... they make you feel terrible for choosing to be who you need to be and in their eyes, over them.

This makes me look at myself a lot. It makes me study how I act with my friends. It has forced me to concentrate on the words, every single one of them, that comes out of my mouth - or the ones I choose not to speak at all. We hold power, and most of us don't even realize that we do. We can say I love you and rise above - or we can say "you'll fail" to sink those around us below, where we perceive ourselves to be.

25 days isn't even a month - it's a blip on the calendar. You're looking at Halloween, as am I, but by Halloween I will be one year older and living with a zip code that begins with a 9.

25 days of boxes
25 days of texts and phone calls
25 days of planning
25 days of saying good bye

and 25 days till I finally say hello to everything else.

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