Friday, September 30, 2011

The Soundtrack of My Life "Winter Winds" Mumford & Sons

I think at this point everyone pretty much knows who Mumford and Sons is. My husband turned me onto them with their song "Little Lion Man" - the song that changed the love song.

At the time I was working at a pole dancing studio, teaching yoga in the mornings three days a week. They had an elliptical and I came in at 4:45am so I could get in a 45-60 minute workout before my students arrived, and just before I set foot on the machine I set up my Mumford and Sons channel on Pandora and listened to the folky rock music that makes them the unique voice that they are.

It was winter, blistery cold and the song seemed to run through me as I huffed to get past 30 minutes on that god awful machine (yes I'm the person who hates the bloody elliptical - I'd much rather run or practice yoga asana).  The studio was silent and as I listened to that song I consciously decided to give folk music a second chance in my life... now I swear indie and folk is all I ever really listen too...

When I finally conned someone to burn me a copy of "Sigh No More" I immediately became close friends with all 12 songs filling the album.  Now, I even play "Awake My Soul" at the end of some of my yoga classes... but somehow "Winters Winds" is the song of a lost memory. A surrendered emotion that has, rightfully, been buried in my past because I've grown up, I've had a child - I've been with my husband for 10 years. Happily.

Yes, I've had my heart broken in those 10 years, that is true - but it's not the same kind of heart break you feel when you love someone and they dump you... when you're whole person is fighting with itself because they want you back, but you know it'll be the same as before. Your right mind saying one thing, your heart feeling another - and knowing that you will never feel that touch, kiss - that sensation - ever again. The confusion and loss of expanding, moving forward, and dealing with what you have to leave behind to do so. (and all the mistakes we make in between when we live in the shallow uncertainty of despair and regret... refusing to realize the physical comforts can't fill the void... all you can do is wait the time, rebuild and move on.)

That is on reason why this song makes the list.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a sadist. I'm not sitting around wishing and hoping to feel my heart split in two, to lose 30 lbs because I haven't eaten in 2 weeks, to cry non-stop. No thank you. I'm very happy with being... well... happy - BUT - as a writer - it's sometimes important to be reminded of these feelings so they can be reflected in your characters lives.

This song makes me remember. It shows me, again, the process of that loss. Of throwing two people together, intertwining their lives - their bodies, their souls - and what happens when one person says no, and walks away.

It's the reasoning from one verse to the next. They meet. He knows they shouldn't. They rationalize. He knows they shouldn't. He accepts the truth, it was a rebound. And then...

"...And if your strife strikes at your sleep
                                                  Remember spring swaps snow for leaves
You'll be happy and wholesome again
When the city clears and sun ascends..."

That, right there, that's the truth. 

Sometimes, yes, I need to be reminded  what that feels like - but regardless - there is a second reason this song made this list and it's this last verse and it's meaning to me.

When life, when it all goes so wrong it haunts you and you can't sleep... remember this - time waits for no one. Everything changes. And spring will be here again, and you will smile again.

The winter winds coats the land with ice and snow. Drives us into our homes, away from so many things. When it's -50* with the windchill and it's been like that for two months, it's hard to remember what July felt like with the sun so bright, but in a few months it's over... 

Enjoy Mumford and Sons, "Winter Winds"

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