Friday, November 4, 2011

The Soundtrack of My Life, "Devil Town - Daniel Johnston" **

I think everyone should leave home for a while at one point or another in their lives. Well, I think this has been something that I've needed for a long time... Through life you have many conversations about "fitting in." Maybe when you're young, maybe when your drunk - but in moments of insecurity, those low points in life, we look to those who surround us. We look at the mirrors of us....

It's hard, in life, admitting that the things we dislike in others are the areas of our lives we need to work on. For me, my background is piled high with modified justifications that could be used to displace those... "things."

As I've become a big old grown up, I've learned that these "things" are the unique qualities that make me me and finding a place to belong is merely the quest to find ones own meaning. And when I lived my life, avoiding the fact that my differences and the beautiful idiosyncrasies were the polishing cloth that made me shine as me.

"I was living in a Devil Town
Didn't know it was a Devil Town
Oh, Lord, it really brings me down
About the Devil Town" 

With hindsight you can see the ins and outs of your life. You can see the exact moments that molded you into who you are. You can see the thin veil we wear in front of our faces allowing ourselves to disregard the truth of the people we choose company with.

I've done it.
You've done it. 
Its human nature to want a home, to want love, and sometimes we find that home and that "love" in places where it really isn't. We don't realize that our veil is what is rose colored and those around us are not what they seem. They're not the stories we weave in our heads at 3am when we lie awake attempting to justify why we put up with ill treatment. They're human beings that don't click in our lives and the a-ha moment hits and we find ourselves surprised. 

"And all my friends were vampires 
Didn't know they were vampires
Turns out I was a vampire myself
In the Devil Town"

But the biggest problem of all, is over time, when we spend endless amounts of time with these toxic people in our lives - we slowly become them. We embrace their ill gotten ideals and hard-boiled idioms... we mold ourselves into the likes of them - forgetting what we have inside of us - forgetting our way...

So we blame the town.
We blame the people.
We blame the fish-fry on Fridays because of who will be there... 

And we forget ourselves... 

"I was living in a Devil Town
Didn't know it was a Devil Town
Oh Lord it really brings me down
About the Devil Town..."

We create our lives with every choice we make and every choice we avoid. We become things we said we never would because it's easier to skate through than "man up" and accept the truth - sometimes the truth is hard and it hurts and it's scary... 

But that's the beauty about life. The scary moments that force us forward and push us through.
Those a-ha moments...
They allow us to make the decisions to move towards or away from the life we have, right now.  They allows us to stop and say "Hell No!" and begin again, because as long as you're alive - that means its not too late.

Even if you live in a devil town.

[Here is a link to the Bright Eyes cover of the song - - enjoy]

**this song is for all those FNL fans out there - for all those who felt bad because they didn't realize. I didn't realize many things, and you know what? That's okay... it's really okay...**

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