Sunday, November 27, 2011

The Soundtrack of My Life - "Girls with Accents" Fences

Fences. Hm...

I know I've talked about him before. He, Christopher Mansfield, and how he doesn't look the part - and that's a great thing. Who wants the look the part? The part of what?


Fences set off the indie music journey.
My methadone from punk to... this new life. The essence I was looking for but has long left punk. It became something else and I became someone else and I found new sounds to describe me and my life.... some of those old tune still apply - but so many of them really, really don't.

It really is an old story that touches all of us.
We sit and we wish for one thing and then, slowly, end up with another.

I wanted to be a punk princess that flashed he boobs on stage and never could bring myself to go that far. At the time I was annoyed with that voice that made me stop and now I love her.

I missed things.
I messed up things.
I screwed up royally on a number of occasion.
I've cried myself to sleep.
I've eaten my weight in ice cream (soy/coconut of course).

When change comes to your life the first reaction is to clench your jaw, bawl your fists, plant your feet and yell "NO!" as loud as you can. "I won't change! I don't want you!"

Change comes in the things we do every day.
The things we say... the things we don't.
The preference of reading material may seem like a small thing - but when it rolls down the slope of our life, gathering up other things one at a time, then the avalanche starts and we don't remember how - we just know we're sitting in a bedroom that is yours, but it's not... yours... not yet.

We're good at seeing the big blips on the radar, but the little ones we pay no notice too. We hold onto the argumentative moments in our lives that were brought on by other people doing our bidding, by other people who refused to notice what we wanted or needed or thought we needed.

So that brings me to this moment in my life.

I have memories that are 15 years old - the seeds that were planted into my brain that made me become the person I am today. I love this me. She's not 100%, but that's fine. If I was then what would I have to work on? What would there be to do NEXT? And boy do I love NEXT.

We all have pasts.
We all have futures.

We get to f*ck up everything so that we can dig through and find what is important.

There will be a thousand more people in my life and all of them, all of those moments, ah... they're perfect.

So I give you Fences, "Girls with Accents" - this moment, this song, this me - I'm fine with the mess ups because they are some of the best memories I have and while some people where hurt and others have forgotten (me) - the drums will roll, the guitars will play, the lyrics will sing and life won't wait.

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