"A life lived in fear is a life half-lived." ~Spanish Proverb
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Christmas & Writing - It's a death match!
It's Christmas time in this house so my last few weeks have been consumed with visitors, baking, travels, shopping & other very non-writing like activities. With each morning I remind myself the time will come & soon I'll have time to write again. Each afternoon I work on plot points, outlining the next journey for my characters. Every evening I find myself fondly dreaming of having an agent, a book deal & publication.... Today has been no different. Standing in my kitchen listening to a Christmas version of pachelbel canon & baking cookies, the ideas began to float through my head & I sighed - like I always do.
Heart heavy & destitute. It hit me tonight how I am nothing more than a 14 year old girl pinning over a "boy". Crying how I'll die alone, in a dark dank Victorian home where its always rains, surrounded by cats & wilted pages from my never published manuscripts. The fragile pages have yellowed with time... & my last breath is an airy "why?"
BAM! Dead. Yes, it hits me each time. I need to meditate a bit more, keep moving, keep writing, keep trying - & it's not that I'm NOT trying or quitting out if fear, its that I haven't had time. When I don't write, I feel lazy. ggrrrr..... Stupid holidays with your sparkly lights & fanciful presents. Damn you adoring family & loving friends! What is this joy? What is that blasted music? Why must you BE SO CHEERFUL?! Leave me be! I need to write! I need to find places to query! I need... a cookie... damn you soy egg nog... damn you rum... *hick* Being a writer means you have an overactive imagination... and waiting sucks.