Friday, January 20, 2012

The Soundtrack of my Life... I've fallen behind...



When I turned on the computer I had a general idea of what I planned to say on here. I mean, it's Friday, which would suggest a song - but this is week 2 of me not being prepared for The Soundtrack of My life.

I guess that means the soundtrack is silent. 

OK - so it's not silent, but life has gotten out of hand and the first thing to go is this blog, then writing, sleep, decent food... brain function...

Life. I have nothing to comment about its speed of misdirection. 

I spent the last few days trying to find a job, and one I can do at home because if I can't do it here - then what the hell am I going to do with my son? I could get a better paying job, but then most of my money will go to child care and I'll simply be in the very same boat I am now, but without spending time with my son. To me that sounds terrible.



But here I am, and I come with my trusty journal in tow - filled with songs that I love and words I have scribbled unto blank graph lined pages. Whimsy and angst mixed with melody and poetry...  you know. Me.

I keep looking through this list, trying to pigeonhole this moment in time with the perfect song, but my thoughts are still a jumbled train wreck so I keep looking it over and over and over....

I could post American Steel "Sons of Avarice" as an example my anger towards the current state of this country. Discuss my discontent of this government, the upcoming joke of an election that I'm supposed to embrace and how our freedoms are dwindling away due to fear and hate...

I could pick Metric "Twilight Galaxy"so I can discuss how rejected I feel at times and how, no matter what face I put on, I always hear the voices of every single person that ever told me I'm no good and going to fail. I can highlight the lyrics about how I will go forward, how I persevere. 

Or maybe I'll just pick Bon Iver "Skinny Love" and avoid reality all together, pretend I'm living in an indie film and this moment is the montage of my life where I'm walking on a fine fall day have epiphany after epiphany about what I need to do - discovering that everything I ever need has always been there. These struggles are the ones I created for myself out of confusion, fear and doubt - but love, peace and serenity has always lived next door...

...maybe I should avoid music all together and tell you how tired I am from writing, and interviewing, and trying to find that elusive job - how when I took my son to the park this week I had the wonderful experience all parents fear, the one that includes a bunch of children picking on their child... 

I can weave tales and woes - recipes and poems - songs and lyrics - news and gossip.

Or I can just post a song that always makes me smile as I sing it at the top of my lungs and dance around my apartment, not because the lyrics "empower" me or make me see the error of my ways or in anyway narrate my life. A song that is just simply a song I love. Yes, I can do that... I can pick a song I love - because everyone has a place they crawl to, a place that is a nest that will make you feel 100% in no time... home.

So thats what I will do. Rancid - I love you - always have, always will. Thank you for being my home.

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