Sunday, May 6, 2012
Never the twain shall meet
Have you ever read any of those "How to get people to read your blog" blog posting? I ask because sometimes I wonder if it's true - but then I remind myself, gimmicks are just that and I'm not good at them.
Never have been. Never will be. I blame ADD.
But the wonder is still there, because so is the doubt.
The "Am I good enough?" Question.
The "No you're not." Reply
And then the insecurities take over and you find yourself asking everyone you've ever know what they think about your blog - or whatever it is you're insecure about: How do I look in this? Does it read well? Do you think the flavors meld correctly? What about the shadows in this shot? Does my headstand look strong enough.....???
But there in the back of your head that little voice is yelling, "shut up!"
When people tell me they read my blog, I'm pleasantly surprised. I thank you for stopping in and checking out my madness, my adventures, if you will - for that is how I like to look at my life. No, I'm no currently raising money to climb mount Kilimanjaro, mostly I'm just trying to get by. That's the adventure of life - realizing what you need to keep close and what you need to cut loose - that is the adventure in your brain and your soul.
So maybe this blog isn't lined with awards.
To me it is because I started it 3 years ago when I was utterly depressed. Weighted down by postpartum and the new life of an infant. Some days I blogged 3 or 4 times about NOTHING - but I made it through. I made it past that rough patch, just as I made it across the country to life in L.A., just as I'll make it through and out of the query trenches.
I'm sure I won't leave unscathed.
An untouched life is not a life - it's a doll - it's a museum.
That's what life teaches you over the years. It shows you that all those cliche adages are true:
"You win some, you lose some."
"You can't always get what you want."
"Slow and steady win the race."
"If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
"Life's too short not to try."
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."
Don't care what others think about you, but appreciate those who care enough to stand by you.
Don't give up.
Realize that if it was easy, everyone would have it.
It's not easy. These adventures into the abyss that take me 25,000 steps outside of my comfort zone, they are scary and tiring and consuming - and maybe they don't include all inclusive vacations in Puerto Rico, but what the hay? Do it anyway...
I started receiving my rejection letters at the end of last week.
That's where I'm at on this current adventure. I'm taking the shots to my armor plated helmet and vest, because it's what it feels like - you can say it doesn't bother you, but it does.
And for now I'll keep my head up high and keep moving.
What else is there to do?
"Most men die at 27, they just bury them at 72." -Mark Twain
that will never be me.