Friday, May 18, 2012

What kind of life.

Evidently managing 3 blogs and writing for a 4th is becoming complicated, because I swore I've posted on here recently, which I have not. As you can plainly see.

I suppose there has been a lack of inspiration on this end of things. Between sickness, a stiff neck, altercations that, somehow, became unavoidable - finding a way to spin things into the realm of possibilities had been lost on me.

No one ever said living your dream would always be easy, but we all know that now don't we? Because if it was easy, we'd all be doing it... as that saying goes. So there we were, four weeks into the lay off with no prospects in sight and I'll be honest, I began looking at the few things we own and deciding what would and wouldn't fit inside the 2 door car we own if we needed to slip out in the middle of the night.

Thinking about it now only makes for a clenching feeling in my stomach and chest.

But alas, it didn't happen and things, once again, turned around...

No, everything isn't 5000% and yes, there are other thing that still need to be worked on - but it's all a learning process. Finding those moments filled with the lessons we need to move forward and not continuously feel trapped in a stale pool of life.

I'm no closer today that I was the last time I wrote at finding a "yes" to my query, and I did the appropriate thing - had a pity party.

See there it is! Oh wait... I have a better, more true to life, image for you - or should I say clip....

[dusts hands off] There! That's better... 

Then things magically turned around and my husband found a job. He'll be working at the place that made this:

And then I was not feeling well and decided to take a nap and instead wrote a rough outline for a new book.

You see, I have this little problem where I get to far into my head - and it's a maze, a big Stephen King inspiring maze filled with self hatred, doubt, poor self-esteem, and you know what else, I know I'm not the only one that gets trapped in that maze in their head. I'm not even the only one that admits it - but know it helps me stop doing this:

And get back to doing this:

The hardest thing about a hard life is accepting you chose it, just like I chose to maintain 3 blogs and write for a 4th. Just like I chose The Hope Saints to be the 1st (really 2nd but I like to pretend that 1st one didn't happen) book I sent queries out on. 

I know it's hard, juggling a family, writing, EVERYTHING, and that's the fun and that's the joy - and that's my choice.

But with that choice come great responsibility, like posting more than 2x a month on here... shame on me... wasted all that time on a pity party when I could have just had a real one with balloons, and confetti and cake and balloons... wait... I already said that. 

So I'm off, back to world domination, book occupation, yoga inspiration and family meditation - with a side of music.

Dance if you must! Frankie Rose "Know Me"

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