Sharing is hard.
It's hard because what I'm attempting to do here is find those pinpoint moments in my life that I find interesting enough to share with you. There are days I do not find my life interesting at all. I cook, I clean, I wipe dupas, I walk, I sleep, I yoga, I write, I clean snotty noses, and I repeat it all the next day. Oh, and I read. I love to read.
As a child I didn't care for reading.
I was never the child you found under the old elm tree reading The Lord of the Rings. I was the teenager that sat next to you in class reading V.C. Andrews under her desk. You know, until the teacher saw me reading, took my book, and refused to give it back at the end of class. (Heaven. I owned 3 copies. Probably should have stopped bringing the damn thing to school...)
I started writing young, I want to say around 7 years old, but I don't remember the exact date and time. I remember writing poems and short stories, and then when I was 14 I remember writing my first book. It was about three kids who went to NYC to visit their Aunt (Mom's sister) and things went terribly wrong and they had to solve some crime. The only part I remember was a chase scene in a hot air balloon, oh, and I made the lead girl 16 because I couldn't wait to be 16. All grown up and sophisticated. Looking back at 16, I think the last thing you would have called me was sophisticated, but I sure did like to have fun!
Just imagine if I had a blog back then? Actually, let's not image that at all. Let's concentrate on why I'm even on here today. Never Give Up NOVEMBER!
Today is Sunday, the first day of day lights savings, and I've managed to write just over 1000 words. I have 500 to finish my daily goal - which I'll be working on in a second. I also did about 40 minutes of yoga. My hip is still sore, and then I went and took pain killer thinking it would help - but all it did was make me tired - no bueno... So to counter the case of the sleepies (I slept 10 hours last night, the last thing I should be is sleepy) I went for a walk and picked up some things at the store.
Now I have things, a sore hip, I'm still tired, and suddenly hungry - and not sure why I'm telling you all of this...
That's right! The challenge!!
I could sit here and make excuses as to why writing about myself is suddenly hard, but it isn't the cure and won't change a thing, so I just say that I'll try harder. In life I find those things that are hardest for me, are the very things I need to concentrate on the most.
Maybe spilling my guts to complete strangers, daily, is the very thing I need to get past this block I've felt for years. And not like before. Not trying to stylize or whatever the hell it was I was doing. I'm tired of "doing" and "trying" and mucking it all up. But mostly I'm tired of how scared I am to just be who I am.
The girl who thought 16 was grown up and sophisticate.
The teen who would rather read under her desk than learn geometry. (Man am I bummed I did that!)
The woman who likes to do and try new things all the time.
The chick who tried to run off and join a carnival, because it sounded fun.
The person who gets distracted...SHINY!!! All the time.
Maybe coming on here and writing about how I feel, about who I am, I will stop being so afraid I'm going to offend people I don't know. Or figure out why I'm so scared to have a boring life - how can life be boring if you're actually living it?
I need to let go of so much.
Let go of all those preconceived notions I've carried with me every day of my life.
And I need to actually do it than talk about it.
These 30 days, only 4 in, have shown me so early in the game that I need to stop saying and just do the things I want to, because when I do I'm much happier.
On day 30 I may explode with utter joy!
I'll try to make sure I'm outside.
It'll be easier to clean up the mess.