Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The Hip Issue

Well, I haven't been on her, which is totally unintentional - but my hip issue has persisted to the point I had to stop my 30 Day Yoga Challenge. Oddly, and for the first time ever in my yoga life, yoga has exacerbated the problem (& jogging is WAY the hell out of the question) - this depresses me to no end.

The first day everything felt better, I rolled out  my mat, and started right back up. At the time I had missed only one day, but it became apparent within 10 minutes I had to stop. So here I am. I've made the decision to let it heal (honestly, its the only good choice to make) and as soon as I can start back up, I will continue this challenge.

Sometimes you have to take two steps back to take three steps forward.

But this has in no way, shape, or form, stopped me from writing. I am at 33032 words and still plugging along. I missed Saturday, but managed 1600 words yesterday and when I get back from the beach, I plan on plugging in another 1600 today (with a goal of 3000 to make up for my lost Saturday. I find this to be doable because I'm loving my story.)

And that brings us to reading.
Well, that brings us to my self realizations about writing and reading.

One of the hardest parts of life is figuring out what you want to do. It's made even harder, because you have spent X amount of time wading through everything, and the people you've met along the way have categorized you in one way or the other. I've done it, you've done it - we see people for what we know, soon forgetting there is a sea of possibilities in their lives, just like the ones in ours.
But there we are, with a sudden epiphany about who we are, what we want, and we cast our dice into that sea, finally accepting what our destiny is - and those around you can't see it.

So you have to work harder.
Or you have to leave them behind.
OR you will work harder, only to realize much later, you left them behind.

But there is a sense of peace you find when you realize what "it" is and when you do, for a moment you'll sit and think, "Well, duh! That makes sense." Because we always have known the what and the why - life gets so loud sometimes we can't hear it.

These days of journaling in private, rather than blogging have been enlightening. Somewhere a new sense of pride emerged, and confidence came with it. I've spent many days looking back at my life feeling regret about one thing, or embarrassed about another - yet suddenly I don't see the regret or the embarrassment, I see funny little quirky situations that have defined me for who I am, and I'm okay with that. Life is messy and I've spent so much time trying to make it not messy - to make it into a scripted sitcom - its sad. And I don't know where this space came from, other than the fact I set out to find it.

People will define you
Situations will linger
Relationships will scar you - for good or bad
And you will keep going
Morphing, and changing
Birthing new truth in you

So this hip, and its persistent pain, which makes it both hard to walk and to stand - it forced my hand. My dilemma of, should I concentrate solely on Yoga? Should I concentrate solely on Writing? Has, in a way, been solved. Will I give up on yoga all together? Never. Or my brain would explode - but I really want to write. I really, really, really want to write.

And I really, really, really want to not be in pain - but we can't win every single war at once, now can we.

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