Monday, December 3, 2012

Keep on going December!


So, I did it...
I finished the first draft of a new book, and let me tell you, after working on the same one for 3 years - change is good.
Now I'm editing and rewriting - some places need to be fleshed out, others need to go away - but I'm happy about all of it. I've had people tell me how much they hate editing, but honestly, I like it. I like pulling the manuscript apart, and putting it back together. I like adding whole scenes, and creating more depth to characters.

Sitting here thinking about last month, I'm actually proud of myself. Yes, the 30 day yoga challenge fell apart, but it was because of an injury, and not because I quit. Now it's December, and I'm back at it. Things are sticking, and I find I don't want to quit. When the voice in my head says, "Yeah, but you could be sitting on the couch watching a terrible movie on netflix." I tell it to go away, and get back to what needs to be done.

I've been lost
I've been confused
I've been angry
I've been sad, scared, and lonely

I've been a lot of things - but I've never believed in myself enough to try harder and harder each time, so it gets easier and easier over time.

I've spent a lot of time punishing myself because I didn't do this, or I did do that - and it's such negative behavior. If you're still alive means there is still time to do things. To try new things, to go to new places, to have the life you dreamt of when you were 16 years old.

No one said life would be easy, and I can't say it will be either. All I can say is that understanding you can't, don't and won't know everything is a good first step. Others include, "Just because it happened to your friend/family member/coworker/neighbor, doesn't mean it will happen to you." & "Life is just as long as it is short. For all those thing you don't do, because you don't have time to do them. Know you have too much time on your hands, which means you're just using that time in the wrong way."

But most of all - love yourself.

I'm not stopping - that's the point of all of this. Never give up November had brought me to December and I plan on building up steam so I can plow into 2013, and use the momentum to keep on going.

When I was a kid I had too many dreams to count
When I was in my twenties I had too many beers to count
Now I'm here and I want the mirage I've painted in my head, and you only know part of it. I'd share it all, but I won't lie, part of me is terrified if I tell you - if I type it out on this screen - it won't happen... I can't have that, now can I?

All I can do is be like all the other girls and boys, and send my letter to Santa.

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